Theater of The Mind Radio Drama


Ghosts of the Elysian Arms

It is a stormy night on Highway One in the summer of 1940, and Al Geery's Studebaker Dictator smashes into a Plymouth convertible head on. Mr. Geery is surprised to wake up unscathed in the twisted wreckage of his automobile, and even more surprised when the mysterious Mr. Maro escorts him to the towering Elysian Arms Hotel, where each room is occupied by a singular and frightening story.

AIRED: September 30, 2019 | 0:58:34

- [Announcer] This program is proudly sponsored

by ARTSConnect,

expanding and promoting the arts in Topeka, Kansas.

(mysterious music)

(thunder rumbling)

(thunder rumbling)

(dramatic music)

- Broadcasting from the KTWU Studios,

The Air Command presents Theater of the Mind,

radio you can see.

Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear,

back in time to the golden age of radio.

And now, turn off your lights

and move in close to the glow of your radio dial,

for a return to old time radio and terror on the air.

Ghosts of the Elysian Arms.

(rain pounding) (horn beeping)

- Hey, hey, stay over in your lane!

(horn beeping) Or maybe it's my lane.

I don't know!

Between the rain and the fog you can,

hey, look out, spilled my beer.

Look out, look out!

Look out!

(horn beeping)

- Mr. Geery.

Wake up, Mister Geery.

- What, where?

- You've had an accident, Mister Geery.

- I'm in my car.

- Such as it is.

Would you care to come out?

- Ah, sure, okay.

- Leave the bottle, Mr. Geery.

- Oh, yeah, sure.

- Take my hand.

- Ah, it's raining.

- Step under the umbrella.

- Oh, thanks.

Where are we?

- In a deep gully just off the highway.

Come, up this way.

- I'm not hurt.

- Is that so, Mr. Geery?

- But the car, look at it!

- Yeah.

- That other car.

- You were in the other car's lane.

- [Al] Did I hit it?

- Straight on, yes.

- Anybody hurt?

- Yes, Mr. Geery.

- Guess I was lucky.

Listen, uh, about calling the cops.

- It's been taken care of.

- [Al] Where we going?

- Up there.

- [Al] On that hill?

- The Elysian Arms.

- A hotel.

- Very perceptive.

We'll wait there for the proper authorities.

- Good, outta the weather, have time to think.

- Come along, Mr. Geery.

(gentle music)

Here we are, the Elysian Arms.

- [Al] Nice place.

- [Maro] Come with me.

We'll check you in.

- [Al] I'm staying the night?

- [Maro] Have you seen your car?

- [Al] Oh.

- Ah, here's our man, Cyrus!

- [Cyrus] Maro, good to see you!

Who's this?

- Al, Al Geery

- Welcome, Mr. Geery, would you care to check in?

- Sure.

- Sign here.

- Okay.

(pen scratching)


- Your key - Thanks.

- You'll be in Room 217.

I'll have staff get it ready.

- We'll be in the bar, Cyrus.

It's just right down this, ah, here it is.

- [Al] The sign says open till two.

It's past two.

The door's locked. - Let me try.

(door rattling)

There we are.

- But I just-- - Maro!

- Mr. Backus, the world's best bartender.

Backus, this is Mr. Al Geery.

- Mr. Geery, Don Backus.

What'll y'have?

- Um, beer.

- Beer it is, Maro?

- Scotch, water on the side.

- Of course, coming right up!

- Mister Maro, good to see you!

- It's mutual, Gibby.

Play something for me.

- [Gibby] Got a favorite?

- Anything you play is my favorite, Gibby.

- Well then, here's your favorite.

(piano music) - So the bar's open all night?

- Only for special customers.

- Here we are, gentlemen.

Beer and scotch, water on the side.

(ice rattles) - Seems like a nice hotel.

- Yes, it's haunted.

- What?

Hey, is this hotel haunted?

- It had better be.

(laughs) It surely had better be.

- You're all kidding me, right?

- Gibby!

- Yes sir?

- Is this hotel haunted?

- It's my favorite haunt!

- This hotel, Mister Geery, has a reputation for oddities.

Some people come to witness these things,

some people become a part of them,

and some find themselves doing both.

(foreboding music)

- We shouldn't've left Angela back with the car.

- She's the only one with a valid license, Bruce.

- But she wasn't driving.

- Hey, I don't have a license, okay?

You want me to get in trouble?

- We're already in trouble.

- Yeah, we stole the car.

- Not the first time.

- No.

- Angela had a pretty good bump on her head.

- Yeah, she was unconscious.

- She'll be fine.

Besides, I didn't see you two objecting at the time.

- I figured we'd better leave fast.

- What's in the wooden case?

- I'll show you when we get there.

Found it in the trunk.

- So did you rent a room in the hotel?

- Where'd you get the money?

- Just come on and shut up

In here.

- The cellar?

I knew you didn't have money!

- Shut up, follow me.

- Brrr, it's cold down here.

- It's fine.

- It's dark.

(light switch clicks)

Bulb's burnt out.

I brought a flashlight from the glove compartment..

(flashlight clicks)

Here's a good place.

Move that crate over.

Okay, this is our table.

What can we sit on?

- [Casey] Here, boxes

- Careful, Judy, don't slip.

- [Judy] What?

- You're walking on ice.

- Toldja it was cold down here.

- Everybody sit down.

Here, you're in charge of the flashlight.

- Okay.

- This is where we were going before that jerk hit us

with his car.

It's haunted.

- And we're in the cellar, great.

- And what's in this box

is the perfect thing to bring to a haunted hotel.

- So what is it?

- A witch board, see?

The whole alphabet here and then yes, no and goodbye.

- And numbers. - Okay.

- See this thing?

- A trivet?

- A planchette. - Okay.

- You put the board down,

you put the planchette here.

We put our fingers on it and the spirits use our energy

to move it to the letters and make words.

- You're kidding, right?

- It's like fate!

We find a witch board and we get stranded

at a famous haunted hotel!

- Oh, I'm not doin' it.

I've got the flashlight.

- You've got two hands.

Move closer to...

Hey, I can't move my feet!

What's down there?

Bruce, flashlight.

- Ice up to your ankles like it grew on your feet.

- It's a cellar, it's damp, and it's cold.

- Maybe ice grows down here.

You know, nature.


There, now I can move.

Come in close to the board.

Come on, like this gently, barely touching.

- This is stupid.

- I wonder how you call up a spirit.

- Hello, operator?

- [Judy] Very funny.

- What do I know?

I hardly ever talk to dead people.

You do it, then.

- Okay, um, is there a spirit here?

- Hey, you moved it. - Did not.

- I didn't.

- Well that's creepy.

- It went to yes.

- Ha, we got one!

- I don't like this.

- Whadda we do now?

- Um, what's your name?

It's moving!

- D-I-S.

- What else?

- It stopped.

- Just D-I-S?

- Ask him where he is.

Is he here?

- Where are you?

- R-I-G.

- H-T-B-E.

- Slow down.

- I missed one.

- I got it, H-I-N.

- D-Y-O-U.

- (gasps) Right behind you.

Let's stop!

- Aim the flashlight back there!

- It's dark.

Even with the flashlight.

That's weird.

- What?

- Look, I point the flashlight over there next

to the steps and wave it.

- Yeah.

- The shadows move with the light.

- Well, what do you expect?

They're shadows.

- Yeah, but look, when I point it

into the dark back there, it doesn't change.

It's like the shadow's solid.

Hear that?!

- Yeah.

- It's coming from, from that darkness.

- Old buildings settle, make noise.

- That's not, that's not settling.

- Quick, put your fingers on the planchette.

- Couldn't we just leave?

I don't-- - Quick!

- Okay, okay.

- Dis, those noises, is that you?

- It's moving again.


- Hey, um, the shadow's moving, too.

- Of course you're moving the flashlight.

- N.

- The shadow's moving by itself, it's alive!

- N-G and then the number 4.

- It's moving toward us!

- No, no, that's--

- The letter U and that's it.

C-O-M-I-N-G 4 U.

Holy cr, coming for you!

- It's moving faster!

Coming this way!

- It's not a shadow!

- It's spiders, millions of black spiders!

- Get back, get back!

- They've got glowing red eyes!

Is that normal?

Do spiders have-- - We gotta get outta here.

- The ice!

- It's moving up your legs.

- I can't move!

It's up to my waist, I can't.

Help me, I don't wanna die!

- It's up to her chest! (Judy screams)

- They're crawling all over her!

I can't see her!

- Come on, Casey, up the steps!

- They're coming up after us!

- The door's locked!

(pounding on door) Help, help!

- Help us!

- Casey, Bruce, is that you?

- Angela, it's Angela!

- Angela, open the door!

Open the door! - Where's Judy?

- They're coming up the stairs, Angela!

- Judy's dead, Angela!

Judy's dead!

- That's funny, I'm dead, too.

- [Bruce] What?

- I'm dead.

And you're, you're at death's door.

- Open the door, let us out.

- It'll be open soon.

- Open the door! - Open the door!

- I've been dead since the crash.

Pretty soon you'll be just like me.

Just like me!

Just like me!

(laughs) (screaming)

- What was that?

- It's an old building.

Old buildings settle.

- Old and full of history.

- [Mr. Backus] Another round?

- Not for me, Mr. Backus.

- Yes please, another beer.

- You got it.

Hey, Gibby, that's a really old song!

- It's an old piano!

- History, haunting?

Are you trying to frighten me?

- Well, are you frightened?

- No.

- Then that must not be the point.

Mr. Maro, history?

- Up on the third floor in1892, a painter and his model...

(soft piano music)

- Could we stop and rest, Giovanni?

- In a moment, Carolyn, I have a detail here that--

- I can't hold this pose very much longer.

- This will be my masterpiece, Pretty Pretty.

You will be famous, my Venus!

My Odalisque!

- You promise now, it won't look like me.

My face, I mean.

- That's what I said, yes.

- Let me see.

- No, Pretty Pretty, don't break the pose!

Don't-- - Oh no, the face!

You promised!

- [Giovanni] I'm breaking my promise.

- No, please!

He would be so hurt if...

- Great art comes at a cost, Pretty Pretty.

- Please, please, you can't...

- Pretty, come back here!

- No!

No. now, this is how you fool me.

You make me do things I would never.

I don't know why.

- Because I am a great artist, and a great lover.

- For weeks now I've lied to Argent.

"I'm a painter," you said,

"I want to paint you!"

Before I knew it, we were, let go of me!

Don't, not again! - Oh, Pretty Pretty.

- Giovanni, let go of me, you're hurting me!


- Carolyn, Carolyn, are you in there?

- It's my husband, he followed me!

- Do as I say and you won't get hurt.

- [Carolyn] What?!

- Hide in the other room, quickly!

- But I! (slapping)

(Carolyn yelps)

- Quiet, you little fool!

Go, get dressed and stay quiet!


(footsteps thumping)

- Where is she?

- Who?

- Carolyn!

- I'm sorry, Carolyn?

I don't know a--

- The painting, that's Carolyn!

Tell me before I kill you!

- Oh now, oh, put the gun away!

We're both civilized gentlemen here, we can--

- Tell me!

- If you must know, she moved on me.

She is a beautiful woman, what could I do?

- Liar!

- Carolyn! - Come here!

- He's a liar!

- I gotcha!

(Carolyn yelps)

Now get back or I kill her.

- Drop the knife!

- I'm not bluffing!

(gunshot fires)

- (screams) You shot me!

(gasps) My blood.

On my painting.

Oh, no no no no no!

My masterpiece!

I must save it!

- Drop the painting and come back here you crazy.

- He can't escape, Argent.

There's no way out of that room.

- I winged him, get your things.

- Yes, of course.


What was that?

I'll go, stay here.

- Is everything all right?

Argent, is everything all right?

- There's nobody in here.

Come see.

(footsteps thumping)

- The windows are locked from the inside.

There are no doors.

- He left the painting.

- I thought he said it had blood on it.

- There in the painting standing in the door.

- Giovanni.

- Yes, but look.

- There's blood running down his arm.

- It wasn't that way before!

- What?

- But, it's, it's painted that way.

- I don't think we'll find him.

Let's go.

- Argent, I'm sorry.

- It's not your fault.

It was Giovanni and the ghosts.

Now they've claimed him.

- Let's go home.

- Wait, you're telling me the guy disappeared

into the painting?

- That's the story.

- And you're saying it was ghosts?

(piano music) - Ghost music, Gibby?

- Yep, know why?

- Why, Gibby?

- I had the sheet music for it!

Get it?

Ghost, sheet.

- Of course.

- That was back in 1892.

By now, they're all ghosts.

Here you go, beer.

- What happened to the painting?

- Giovanni disappeared owing the room rent.

- A considerable amount.

- So they kept the painting,

hung it on the wall in that room. 702.

- It's become an attraction.

- "The Ghost Painting."

- "The Elysian Venus"

- "The Haunted Odalisque."

- Seriously?

- Seriously, Mr. Geery.

- They say the ghostsimprisoned him in the painting.

- And his blood was the key that opened the cell.

- Then why would anyone go near it?

- Most people don't believe the story

- And no one believes himself to be evil, Mr. Geery.

- [Mr. Backus] No one.

- Every villain is the hero of his own story.

- People check into that room just to see that painting.

Most check out.

Some, well, check out.

- I go up there and look at it myself quite a bit.

- He does, too.

We're thinking about padlocking him to the piano.

- I'll escape.

I've got 88 keys.

- The room is occupied at this very moment.

- [Mr. Geery] Anybody I know?

- Hedella Harshon.

- The newspaper gossip columnist?

- The very powerful newspaper gossip columnist.

- Writes about movie stars, and they're afraid of her.

Get on her bad side, she writes something.

- Yeah?

- Maybe just one sentence, your career's over.

- So she has power.

- And she has enemies and readership.

- Seventy-five million people a day.

- [Mr. Backus] And she's up in room 702

- With the painting.

- And it's haunted?

- Ha, everything's haunted at Elysian Arms.

- And always for a reason.

(typewriter clanking)

- Donald!

- Yes, Miss Harshon.

- One or two T's in slattern?

- Two.

- Thank you.


- I'm still here, Madam.

- Is it degenerate with a j or degenerate with a g?

- A G.

- Thank you.

Oh, and is it disgusting with a G

or diskusting with a K?

- With a G.

- Here.

Call rewrite and read the column to them.

- Yes, Madam.

- When you come back, pour me another large glass of vodka.

- Yes Madam.

- That copy's for the Friday column.

- Yes, Madam, I'll tell them.

- Paper cut, I hate these!


- Donald, get the, oh, you can't hear me.

I'll do it myself.

(footsteps thumping)

Well, as I live and breathe, Bart Gambrel!

What brings The King of Hollywood to my hotel room?

- Hello, Hedella, may I come in?

- Of course.

- Thanks.

Hurt yourself?

- Paper cut, it's nothing.

- Here, my handkerchief.

- Thank you, what do you want, Bart?

- How 'bout I start by looking at that famous painting?

- It's in the parlor.

This way.

(footsteps thumping)

There, feast your eyes.

- Oh, it's so--

- Don't touch it!

- Sorry, I just-- - When you rent this suite,

you have to sign your lifeaway if the painting is harmed.

And they won't rent it to riff raff.

Step back, I need to wipe off your greasy fingerprints.

Oh, now, something's smeared.

There, better.

Here, your handkerchief.

- Thanks, it's a beautiful painting.

And that's the artist, standing in the doorway.

There's some pretty scary stories about that painting.

- Again, what do you want, Bart?

- I have a favor to ask.

- I knew it, I won't retract it.

D'Artagnan was a terrible picture.

And you looked absolutely horrible in that wig.

- I felt horrible in that wig.

- [Hedella] Well, there you are.

- But Laurel and I worked very--

- Laurel Green is a highly overrated actress.

She does, however, have spectacular cheekbones.

- I've been told you're gonna publish a rumor about us.

- It's not just a rumor.

Those love scenes?

Neither of you is that good an actor.

- [Bart] I wish you'd just--

- And you disappeared together quite a bit,

according to my sources.

- We were going over lines.

- What a lovely euphemism.

So, when do you two do your next picture?

- It will be awhile.

Laurel will be busy with a secret project that--

- Let me guess, she's going to go to Europe for,

oh say, nine months or so.

- She has the opportunity to do a movie in France.

- She'd better hurry before they have

to let out the costumes.

Does your wife know?

- She doesn't.

- I've never liked that woman.

- It would kill her.

- Ooh, a positive outcome.

I'll have Donald show you out.


- Hedella, please, I beg of you.

- The First Amendment, Bart.

Blah blah blah. the public has a right to know.

Etcetera, etcetera.

It won't ruin you, you're a big movie star.

- But Laurel, it'll destroy her.

- [Hedella] You should have thought of that.

- What do you want?

Anything, I'll pay you--

- (laughs) I have more money than I know what to do with!

I am Hedella Harshon!

People expect me to tell Hollywood's secrets.

- You're a monster.

- A monster with the power to ruin the King of Hollywood.

Don't you dare forget that.

- You called Madam?

- Show Mr. Gambrel out.

- Yes, Madam.

- One of these days, Hedella, it's gonna catch up to you.

- I'll worry about it then.

- This way, sir.

(footsteps thumping)

As I'm sure you know,

the elevator is down the hall to your left.

- How do you put up with her, Donald?

- An excellent salary, sir.

- I'll double it, come work for me.

- I appreciate the offer, sir,

but were I to do that, she would make my life hell.

- Yes, she would.

- Understand, sir, I didn't say that.

- I didn't hear it.

(Hedella screams)

What the devil was that?

- Miss Harshon!

- Where'd she go?

- Madam, madam?

- Say, Donald.

- Sir?

- [Bart] Look at the painting.

- Yes sir.

- Notice anything, anything about the Venus, the face?

- Odd, the mouth seems...

- [Bart] Crueler.

- Yes.

- And the eyes, what do you see in the eyes, Donald?

- I see fear, sir.

Strange, I never saw that before.

- I don't think it was there before.

- The face, it's not the same but familiar somehow.

- Help, help me.

- Listen, hear that?

Sort of an odd, I dunno, an odd moan.

- It's an old building, Mr. Gambrel.

Old buildings settle.

- [Bart] I suppose.

- Sir, about that offer you made...

- Can you start tomorrow?

- It is my belief, sir, that I can start right now.

- Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

We'll send the bellhop for your things.

- Yes sir.

- You know, Donald,

this could be the beginning of a beautiful stewardship.

- Don't go, don't go!

- [Giovanni] Pretty Pretty.

(Hedella screams)

- Ah, look there.

- Where?

- Through the window, coming into the lobby.

- The lady in the fur coat?

- Your beer, Mr. Geery.

- Thanks.

- Oh say, that's Miz Cockrell, isn't it?

- Francesca Cockrell registering for a room.

- Homer's widow.

Looks like she's caught herself a young dandy.

- Well dressed boy.

- Looks like she dressed him.

Hair could use an oil change, though.

- Wait, wait, Homer Cockrell, the Texas oil guy?

- The same.

- Not of Texas, but in it, sure.

- He died?

- He died right here at the Elysian Arms.

- How?

- Police called it an accident.

(banging on piano)

- Gibby begs to differ.

- The most on purpose accident ever accidented!

- And it happened exactly one year ago today.

(soft piano music)

- Here you are, Mister Cockrell, sir.

The presidential suite!

- Now, why don't ya jest put them bags over there, boy?

- Yes sir!

- You call this a presidential suite?

- Now, Francesca.

- Where is please the bar?

- Over there behind the louvred doors.

- Va bene.

Make me one, too, Francesca.

- Oh, I will.

- Stories been goin' 'round this hotel's haunted.

Y'ever seen any ghosts, son?

- Yes sir, heard some, too.

- Hm, how 'bout that.

Y'hear that, Francesca?

- Oh yes, ghosts, I am so frightened.

- Thank ya, boy, here's for yer trouble.

- A fiver!

Thank you, sir, thank you!

(speaking in foreign language)

- What's that in English?

- [Francesca] Big shot.

- I am a big shot.

- Then quit talking like a horseboy.

- Cowboy

- Cowboy.

- This is how Texans talk, Francesca.

I'm a Texas oil millionaire.

- From Wisconsin.

- You take all the fun out of cowboyin'.

- You are not a cowboy!

- I have a hat.

- You do have a hat.

- Texas oil millionaires all have 'em.

And I'm a Texas oil millionaire.

- The other Texas oil millionaires

do not look so silly as you. (chuckles)

- [Homer] I don't look silly.

- Your head, it is maybe too small.

- Is not.

- [Francesca] Maybe then it is your face that is too small.

- My face is--

- I think your ears make your face look small, no?

- [Homer] My ears are fine.

- Also, you have no chin.

- My chin is subtle.

- And your hat, he's too big.

- Is not.

- Especially for your small face, here is your drink.

- Thank you.

I must have some good qualities.

You married me.

- Your good quality is your money.

- Well now, hey!

(speaking in foreign language)

- [Francesca] I spilled my drink!

- All over me!

- (speaking in foreign language) I am clumsy, no?

- Do you want me to make you another drink?

- No, no, come here with me to the balcony.

The night air will dry your clothes.

Finish your drink.

- Okay, guess so.

- Look at you with your hat and your boots.

- Western boots.

- I came to America to marry a millionaire.

- [Homer] And you did!

- Till us do death part.

- Sorta, yeah..

- Homer, I tell you, it was always about the money.

- You said you love me.

- I also love ice cream.

This does not mean I'm committed to it.

- Um, what's in this drink?

- Oh, poison.

- [Homer] Poison?

- Yes, how you say, gobs of it.

(Homer groans)

Oh, you have an upset tummy, no?

- You can't, you can't.

- (speaking in foreign language) Lean over the rail.

It could help, lean far over.

Here, let me help.

- No, no, no! (Francesca laughs)

- Oops.

(speaking in foreign language)

- She killed him?

- She killed him.

- All over the sidewalk she killed him!

- That's right, Gibby.

- Landed on a dog.

- What?

- Killed him too!

- That's right.

- Dog wasn't expectin' it.

- Why isn't she in jail?

- She claimed, Mr. Geery, that he got drunk and fell.

- And his clothes reeked of alcohol.

- She spilled it on 'im

- How do you know all of this?

- Maro told me.

- You told him?

- I did. - Darn right he did!

- But how did you--

- And there they go, Francesca and her new,

let's say, boyfriend.

You think they got the Presidential Suite?

- Of course they did.

- The murderer always returns to the scene of the crime!

(soft piano music)

- Here you are folks, the Presidential Suite!

- Just put the bags over there.

- Yes ma'am.

- Paolo, give the boy a dime for his trouble.

- Si, Francesca, here you are.

- Um, thanks.

- [Francesca] Now go..

- Yes ma'am, call the desk if you need anything.

- Yes, yes, go, go.

It has stopped raining.

Paolo, open the balcony doors.

- (speaking in foreign language) Francesca.

- Isn't it romantic?

The hotel where we first met!

You remember, no?

- I remember.

They were removing your husband's body

from the sidewalk just down there.

- Let us not dwell on the small things.

- It was not such a small thing.

It was very hard to forget, for he landed head first.

- We met in the spa.

I was getting a massage

and somehow I misplaced my purse.

- (speaking in foreign language) Misplaced.

- And presto, you found it!

I thought it had been stolen.

- Stolen, yes.

- And then you asked me todinner to mend my broken heart.

It turned out we were both from the same town in Italy.

- Vernassa. - Ontronto.

- Ontronto, yes.

- And one thing, she led to another.

- Many 'nothers.

- And now here we are, celebrating a year together.

- Celebrating.

- Paolo, (speaking in foreign language),

go down to the restaurant and make a reservation

for dinner and I will start getting ready.

That she sounds good, no?

(speaking in foreign language)

- Go!

(footsteps thumping)


Hello, hello?

(speaking in foreign language) Is someone here?


(footsteps thumping)

Is it housekeeping.

Hm. (speaking in foreign language)

Just a...

(loud thumping) (dramatic music)

Now the dining room!

Paolo, is it you?

(gasps) The library.

Paolo, this is not funny!

You're frightening me!

Hello, hello, who is there?

How are you moving so fast?

Where are you?

I'm frightened, where are you?

- Hello, Francesca.

- Homer!

But you're...

- I know, surprises me, too.

Neat, huh?

- You are a ghost?

- I must be.

- [Francesca] You are dressed--

- Exactly the way I was about a year ago.

Even the cowboy hat you hate.

Guess it's dead, too.

- This can not be!

- Oh, and I get to use the Texasaccent permanent-like, too.

Bein' dead has its good points.

Ain't that a doozy?

- What do you want?

- Oh, sorry.

A gentleman should rise when a lady enters the room.

- No, no, stay back, stay back.

- Oh, and I s'pose a gentleman should take off his hat, too.

- (screams) Your head!

- Oops, I forgot, I landed on m'head.

Not a lot left up there.

Had to scoop it all into the hat, see?

I thought so, too but y'get used to it.

C'mere, Francesca, c'mere, for me.

- (cries) No, I do not want to.

- Then, I'll come for you.

(suspenseful music) (spurs clanking)

- Hear that?

Spurs, just like in Texas.

But y'can't see 'em, ghost spurs!

Pretty dandy, huh?

- I did not mean to--

- Sure ya did!

Y'don't accidentally give somebody a Mickey Finn,

then accidentally push 'em off a balcony!

- I am frightened.

- Some ghost I'd be if you weren't.

Best watch where you're goin'.

- (speaking in foreign language) Stay back!

Why are you here?

- Vengeance, I s'pose.

You know, all that ghost stuff.

This hotel's famous for it.

Hey, you should see some of the ghosts

that hang around here.

Just between you and me, pretty scary.

Some of 'em even scare me!

But I don't figure to stay long, anyways.

- Then you will go to heaven, no?

- Reckon I will.

Brochure ain't real clear.

- And I will--

- The other place, that it's clear about.

- But there's still time for me to repent.

- I don't think so.

Last I heard they'd already booked your trip.

- Do not say that.

There's still time for me to--


- Told ya, I didn't think so.

Oh, I never did like balconies.

Oh, looky down there!

Whoa, that's just terrible!

Worse than inside m'hat.

She landed on a feller, too.

Sorry, Pard!

Well sir, time to go.

Here, Sterling!


Here, big fella! (horse neighs)

Yippee ki-yay, away!

- You seem to have a lot of faith in the idea

that people always pay for their sins.

- Not always at the moment.

- Most times, though, but if they don't, they'll pay later.

(soft piano music)

Our sins always catch up to us.

- Whaddya mean by pay later?

- You pay now or you pay after you've used it.

And you might have to pay in installments

before your bill's settled.

- Wait a minute, I don't underst--

- One of my favorites, Gibby.

- It always leaves me cryin', boss.

- Here we are, Mr and Mrs. DeBorn.

Suite 237 with parlor, bedrooms,

a dining room and dumbwaiter.

After hours, you call the kitchen on the phone here

and they'll send up the food.

- Every room has a dumbwaiter?

- No, just the four suites on this floor and the penthouse.

Let's go in, I'll show you.

- Yes, fine, just leave the bags here, just inside.

- Yes sir.

Allow me to point out some of the advantages

of Suite 237.

Here, you see a feature special to the Elysian Arms:

The dumbwaiter of the future serving you in the present.

See, it connects directly with the kitchen.

You push the button,

this stainless steel door goes up to open

or down to close.

- Nicely memorized and spewed forth.

- Thank you!

- But doesn't that take work away from you?

- No, we only use the dumbwaiter after hours.

This way the hotel hires fewer bellstaff,

and I get more tips.

- Oh, I see.

- [Bellhop] When your order comes up--

- Dione, are you coming in? (ethereal music)

- Just a minute, do you see?

- Oranges and lemons say the bells

of St. Clement's Bulls eye and targets say the bells

of St. Margaret's.

- Do you hear that?

- Brickbats and tiles say the bells of St. Giles.

- Out in the hall, it's the poem we taught the children

about the bells! - Fine, would you--

- I'm going to look.

- When your order comes-- - It's a boy!

At the end of the hall!

- Okay, now could you please--

- Come, look.

- Fine.

- Oh, he's gone now.

He looked like Billy.

- Billy's dead.

- He was even carrying

that stuffed bear Billy always carried.

And the poem...

- It's an old poem, lots of people know it.

Now, just--

- When your order comes up, a bell rings,

you push the button, the door goes up.

- You say there's four suites up here?

- [Bellhop] Yes sir.

- Any children?

- No sir, in fact, yours is the only suite

occupied just now.

- Well, see there, Dee?

No children.

- I could have sworn.

- So, here's your key.

- Here's for your trouble.

- Thank you, sir!

My shift's done, so if there's anything you need,

you just call down to the front desk.

- And they'll send it up in the dumbwaiter, yes.

Thank you.

- He's just doing his job.

- And you, with imaginary children running

through the halls with their teddy bears.

- He wasn't running, and he wasn't imaginary.

I know it couldn't've been Billy, but--

- You imagined him Dee.

You've got to get over this.

- We killed them, Bertrand.

- It was an accident.

- I think it was Billy.

- We didn't know Billy very well.

Any small boy might remind you of Billy.


Well, who's that?

I swear if it's that damned bellhop

with another sermon about his dumbwaiter.

- Who is it, Bertie?

- Strange, nobody's there.

- Nobody?

- Just hallway in both directions.

- It was Billy.

- I'm sure that that little boy was simply

on the wrong floor

and didn't really look a thing like Billy.

- But he did.

- (sighs) Fine.

Would you like to go downstairs for dinner,

or have it here in the room?

- In the room.

- Look at this menu, then.

I'll fire up the dumbwaiter.

(soft piano music)

Well, I'm surprised, that was a very good dinner.

- It was.

- Now, I'll clean up, put it all in the dumbwaiter

and send it down to the deepestcircle of the lowest depths.

- I'll get ready for bed.

- I turned on the bedside lamp.

Your nightgown's on the bed.

- Thank you.

You know, you were right.

I must have imagined seeing Billy.

- There, now you're making sense.

- And everyone does know that poem.

- Exactly.

- I don't think the children would come back

to seek revenge, do you?

- I don't believe in ghosts.

- Bertrand.

- Yes?

- Do you ever feel bad?

- How do you mean?

- The bars on the windows.

- That was for their own protection.

- We shouldn't have locked them in their rooms.

- There's always the threat of sleepwalking,

especially in a foundling home.

- I suppose so, but-- (toy piano music)

(gasps) How did you get in here?

- Pokers and tongs say the bells of St. John's.

- [Dione] What do you want?

- When will you pay me say the bells of Old Bailey.

- Billy ,is it you, Billy?

- I'm burning! (fire crackling)

I'm burning up! (Dione screams)

- What, what is it?

- Billy, it was Billy!

He was on fire!

I could see it, I could feel the heat!

- You fell asleep, you were dreaming.

- But I wasn't, I wasn't!

How can you live with the guilt?

- I don't have any guilt.

- You left a cigar unattended.

You've done it before.

Where are you going?

- Now that you mention it, I'm going to the sitting room

for a cigar before bed.

Turn off the lamp and go to sleep!

- Sleep, the only relief.

How do you live with the guilt?

How do you...

Hm, Bertrand.

Oh good, you're coming to bed.

I can't see in the dark.

Curl up with me and--

- Burnt black as pitch say the bells of Shoreditch.

(Dione screams)

- I'm burning, I'm burning.

- What is it, what's the matter?!

- Turn on a light!

Turn on the light!

He was in the bed with me!

- Who was? - Billy!

- Dione, you've got to get over this.

- It was dark until he spoke!

And then the fire came!

He was on fire!

The whole room was lit up with--

- Are the sheets burned?

- No.

What are you doing?

- Ordering you a drink.

- I don't need a drink.

- If you don't, I certainly do.

I'll share my bottle of wine.

Yes, could you have a bottle of red--

- White.

- White wine and two glasses sent up, please?

Yes, thank you.

Come out into the sitting room with me.

- But I...

- Here's your robe.

Come on.


- Maybe, maybe it was a dream.

- Of course it was.

Now sit down.

- But it seemed so real.

- Dreams often do.


Well that was fast.

- I thought they were going to send it up on the dumbwaiter.

- Stay seated, I'll answer the door.

- Maybe, maybe it was a dream.

Am I going crazy?

So where's the wine?

Did you tip him?

- It wasn't the bellhop.

- Then who?

- Somebody left this.

- It's Billy's stuffed bear! (dramatic music)

- Burnt still, still hot, smoking.

- I told you, I told you!

(bell rings)

- There's the dumbwaiter.

I'll get the, uh.

- Billy's ghost, It was Billy's ghost!

- There's got to be another explanation.

Now let's see, push the button to slide up the door.

The dumbwaiter isn't here. (toy piano music)

Just the empty shaft.

- Billy's come back, Bertrand.

- The whole shaft's lit up.

Flickering light of some sort.

- Here comes the candle to light you to bed.

- Do you hear that?

- It seems to be coming from the bottom of the shaft.

Let me see if I can--

- And here comes the chopper to chop off your head!

(door slamming) (Bertrand grunts)

(Dione screams)

- You killed him!

- He killed me.

- It was an accident!

- You killed me, too.

I burned!

- No, I, I wasn't--

- Burnt black as pitch say the bells of Shoreditch!

- You're not real, you can't be real!

- You killed us all!

We all burned!

- Let me out of here.

Let me out!

- Let me out! - We're waiting for you Dione.

- Oh, so much blood!

- Run through the gore says the church on the moor!

- A window in the bedroom, I can--

- Flee down the hall say the bells at St. Paul!

- The window!

Stuck, nowhere to run, nowhere to.

Gotta sit, gotta sit down.

Sit on the bed collect my thoughts, gotta.

- We're under the bed say the bells of Hampstead!

- Let go of my ankles!

Let go of my...

Let me go, no, no!

- Tag, you're it!

(Dione screams)

(soft piano music)

- Was that just, you know, a story,

or did it actually happen?

- What time is it now?

- Um, five A.M.

- It happened.

- Very funny, Gibby.

- I live to serve, Boss.

- Another beer, Mister Geery?

- Sure.

- Comin' up.

- What did you mean when yousaid everything's haunted here?

- This hotel is a, way station Mr. Geery.

- Way station, I don't get it.

- [Maro] Mister Backus?

- Some people when they die, they wind up here

while it's decided which direction they go.

Some go up past the penthouse, some stay here

to work off their debt, and some go--

- To the sub basement!

- And some are simply mortal guests of the hotel,

on their way from somewhere to--

- Somewhere else.

Wanna know a secret?

- Sure.

- Right now there's a room upstairs

registered to Hugh Capet.

- The gangster?

- The preferred term is meat packing industry tycoon.

- Why this place?

- There's a large Capet Meats plant nearby.

A day or so ago, long after sunset,

there were three people in the plant, and only three people.

(suspenseful piano music)

- Why are we here, boys?

Shouldn't we be meeting with Mister Capet?

- We was of the impression that you'd like

to tour the plant first, Mr. Foosh.

Is that not right, Mel?

- You are correct, Bucky.

- Why would I want to tour the plant, Mr. Abbott?

I'm just a bookkeeper, I don't need to see--

- Me and Mr. Coder are trying to be friendly,

as is Mr. Capet's custom.

He said, "Be gentle with Vinny."

- Gentle.

- We are making the attempt toward being gentle.

Would you not agree, Mel?

- I would not protest the comment, Bucky.

- I drove all the way here, boys.

Straight through and I'm tired.

- It appears that Mister Foosh

is more than somewhat fatigued from weariness.

- It is duly noted.

Say, that's a nice ring you are wearing, Mr. Foosh.

- Oh, thanks, it was a gift from Mr. Capet.

Couldn't we have the meeting with Mr. Capet

and then let me find a room and sleep?

- Mr. Capet wishes for you to have

the full two-bit tour but at the risk

of getting Mr. Capet sored up at you,

we'll cut the tour short and get to the ending,

which is a good one.


- You will note, Mr. Foosh, to the right,

a large piece of machinery

of which Mister Capet is justly proud.

It is poetry itself like I do not know what.

It is an industrial meat grinder

through which are put large sides of beef

and other aspects of cow.

- That's fine, can we just--

- But let us climb up the scaffolding

so as to look down upon the splendid maw

of this mechanical Gargantua.

- I don't think I need to do that.

- But you must, for a person who wishes to know things

can get a reputation such as a person who wishes

to find things out.

Up the stairs.

Mr. Coder will stay down here, but I am right behind you.

- I really don't think I need to.

- A person who would riskhaving Mr. Capet being sored up

at him should rethink his options

or find another world in which to live.

- Which is the most likely option in any case.

- This is fascinating, boys, but--

- The meat grinder works in this manner:

the items go into the top and come out

at the bottom resembling what

is generally recognized as hamburger.

It is a miracle like I don't know what.

(buzzing) Ah-ha,

Mel has put the beast in operation

so as to demonstrate its beauty.

And here we are.

Now, step out here on the landing so that you can look down

into the interior of this mechanical miracle,

which is very interesting to witness.

- I don't think I can do that.

- And while you contemplate this,

also contemplate that a bookkeeper who makes off

with a quarter of a million fish will not be long

in Mister Capet's employ, nor in this world.

- What?

I've been Mister Capet's bookkeeper

for 15 years and I've--

- And through all those years, you have been slipping many

of Mister Capet's potatoes intoyour own capacious pockets.

- No, no, no, you got it all wrong.

- Now, step a little closer and look into the miracle

that is this veritable behemoth.

- I'm about as close as I can get without--

- [Bucky] Get closer!

- Ah, ah, my feet!

- Let go of my hand, Vinny.

- No, no, no!

- You should confess now.

- I didn't do it, Bucky, I'm tellin' ya!

I didn't do it!

- Let go of my hand, Vinny!

- I'm gonna get even for this, Bucky,

I'm gonna get even. - Let go of my hand!


Mel, turn it off!

I'm coming down.

(footsteps thumping)

Personally, I did not care for that experience.

It was like I do not know what.

And all the time, Vinny was saying that he was not guilty

of that of which we accused him of.

- What do you have there?

- His hand, he would not let go.

- This is not pleasant to behold.

- It is not.

- However, it is a nice ring.

(soft piano music)


- Come in.

Bucky, the job's done?

- The job is done.

What's in the box?

- You know, boss, large amounts of lettuce passed

through Vinny Foosh's hands.

- It did.

- Howsomever, I do not think his fingers were sticky.

- What's in the?

- Boss, who carried the lettuce to Vinny?

- Mel.

- Mel.

- Mel, where's Mel?

- We parted ways subsequently to our abrogating Vinny.

- Find Mel.

- Then?

- Yes.

- What was that?

- It's an old building.

Old buildings settle.

- Wait, look!

- What?

- I did not see it clearly,

but it was entirely too commodious for a mouse.

- Rat then.

- This would cause such a high class hotel

no little embarrassment.

- I'll call the front desk.

Oh, what's in the box?

- Proof we scragged Vinny.

Also, proof of a most surprising handshake.

And great jewelry.

I will go and find Mel.

- [Capet] And handle it.

- [Bucky] I will handle it with considerable alacrity.

(footsteps thumping)

- Yeah, front desk?

Need somebody up here to take care of a rat.

Yes, a rat.

Fine, now get me Ravenswood 07734.

Yeah, call me back when you've got the connection.

Surrounded by rats.

(footsteps thumping)

Now, where's that box?

Ah, here on the floor.

Must be what we heard.


Oh no y'don't!

I caughtcha outta the corner of my eye!

Big ol' rat, aren'tcha?

I hear ya, no use hidin', I'm gonna uncover ya!

(phone rings)

Yeah, good, go ahead.

Hey, we got a problem.

Yeah, looks like it wasn't Vinny, it was Mel.

Naw, I got Bucky out lookin' for him,

but meanwhile, Vinny's guzzled.

(thumping) What the?

No, no, it's just that I saw this thing!

It was movin' fast but it ain't no rat.

I dunno, a big pink spider or a little pink octopus.

Weirdest thing I ever.

No, not a drop.

I gotta go find that thing.

Here, little octopus.

Here boy, what?

No, I'm not kiddin'.

Well, it ain't a rat.

It's maybe back here behind.

(thumping) Hey!

Let go of my, get off.

Stop, stop climbin'.

Get off!

You still, still there? (pants)


Yeah, it tried to strangle me.

Yeah, octopus or somethin'.

Movin' fast.

Never seen, I gotta get my gun.

(footsteps thumping)

It ain't here!

(dramatic music) My gun ain't...

It's got my gun!

That ring!

You gotta be kiddin'!

It's Vinny's hand!

Without Vinny!

No, don't!

(gunshot fires)

- We gonna take this, too?

- Yeah, box it all up.

There's gotta be somethin' here somewhere.

- Hey, Lieutenant!

- Campbell, how'd you get in here?

- Sorry, Reynie, I just flashed my press pass.

- That wouldn'ta done it.

- Oh, and this.

- Where did you get that badge?

- Got it with a dime and two box tops.

Pretty good, isn't it?

- I oughta run you in for impersonating an officer.

- I never said I was a cop.

- You wouldn't have to, just the badge.

- Read what it says.

- Captain Midnight Secret Squadron.

I still oughta run you in.

- For what?

Impersonating Ichabod Mudd?

Somebody killin' Capet, that's a big deal.

Whaddya think, mob hit?

- We'll know soon.

Gun had some good fingerprints.

I figure to hear from the lab boys any minute.

(phone rings)

- Now, who could that be?

- Reynie, yeah.

Whaddya got, Thales?

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Well, that's a surprise.

Yeah, we'll have to go lookin' for him.

Okay, thanks.

- Fingerprints?

- Yeah, Vinny Foosh.

- The bookkeeper?

Caspar Milquetoast has more guts.

Vinny'd never have the nerve to shoot Capet.

- Don't know what to tell you.

It's what we got.

- Hey, Lieutenant.

- Yeah? - We need you downstairs.

Some lady's dog got loose in the lobby and ate a squirrel.

- How'd a squirrel get into the lobby?

- Who are you?

- He's nobody.

Why do you need me?

- People are stirred up, sayin' it wasn't a squirrel.

- Rabbit then.

- Nah, they say it was some sort of giant pink spider.

Big as a fist.

- In the lobby?

- Stop the presses!

- There's blood smeared all over, the dog's still loose,

and the lady's hysterical.

- I gotta get a search goin' for Vinny Foosh.

I don't have time to-- - The bookkeeper for the mob?

- Yeah. - I just saw him in the hall.

- What?

- Or thought I did.

When I looked again he was gone.

Looked kinda pale, had one hand shoved in his coat.

Don't know how he could have--

- Come on! - I'm right behind you!

(soft piano music)

- Your beer.

- Thanks.

Y'know, seems like a lot of these people deserve

what they get.

- [Maro] Not everyone.

- Some people are just trying to get a good night's sleep

when they're on the road.

- Oh, nice pick up on the cue, Gibby.

- Kinda surprisin' considerin'.

- Considering what?

- Considerin' I had a little drink about an hour ago.

- And it went right to your head?

- You noticed it, too, eh?

(soft piano music)

- Hey, Julia, the bellhop says this place is full of ghosts.

- Is that right?

- Kind of a tourist attraction.

- They'd better be quiet tonight, I'm exhausted.

- Me too.

Guess we didn't manage to drive all night after all.

- The spirit was willing, Mike.

- Did you just make a ghost joke?

- (chuckles) Not on purpose.

Too tired to be clever.

I'm heading to the shower,

dropping traveling clothes as I go.

- Oh, we should call your mom

and tell her we won't be there till later tomorrow.

- You do it, I don't have the energy for it.

I just wanna shower and go to bed.

Oh, nice bathroom.

Upper class Gothic.

(shower curtain rattles)

Oh my gosh. (water gushing)

Look at me in the mirror.

Why did he marry that?


Ah, not too hot, not too cold, nice and warm.


Great, there goes the light bulb!

(ominous music) Perfect!

Okay, I can shower in the dark.

In we go.

No slipping, Julia, pay attention.

Ah, this is just what I needed.

(door rattles)

Hey, Mike!

Careful, bulb burnt out.

Dark as pitch in here!

Can't see a thing!

(shower curtain rattles)

Come on in, the water's fine.

Perfect, isn't it?


Watch it, Mister Hands.

Here, scrub my back.

Aah, easy, easy.

That's too hard.


Oh, Mike, Mike, that hurts!

Mike, don't.

Mike, Mike, you're choking me!

Mike, I can't breathe!

Mike, you're choking me.

- Hello, Princess!

You ready for me?

(Julie screams)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I gotcha, I gotcha.

- Oh, Mike. Mike, I, somebody was--

- Why's the light off?

- The light bulb...

(light switch clicks) - There, that's better.

- But it was...

- Why were you showering in the dark?

- Come out of here with me.

Come out of the bathroom.

- Okay, okay, we're out of there, okay.

- Close the door!

- But. - Close the door!

- Okay, okay.

- There, door's closed.

Now, what's-- - Somebody's in there!

- In the bathroom?

- Yes, in the shower!

- Okay, I need something heavy.

Hand me that lamp.

Stay back.

(suspenseful music) - Mike, no!

Let's just leave, let's just--

- [Mike] Stay back, sweetheart.

- No, no, don't go in there!

- Who's there?

Come outta there or I'm comin' in after you!

- [Julia] Mike, let's just go.

- You asked for it!

(shower curtain rattles)

Nobody there, sweetheart.

- That's impossible!

I didn't imagine it.

- Sounds like something cloggingthe drain a little, though.

- I'm telling you, Mike.

Somebody, somebody was in there with me.

- Look, we're both tired.

Maybe you fell asleep, and--

- Standing up?!

I fell asleep standing up!?

- Julia, there's nobody there!

- [Julia] But there was!

- This doesn't, what's, what's on your neck?

- My what?

- Lemme see, stand still.

Bruises, fingers.

Like, like somebody tried to choke you.

- He tried to strangle me!

I told you, I told you, it was real!

Something was in there with me!

- You could've maybe--

- Don't say it, Mike, don't even.

- Holy, your back!

- [Julia] What?

- Your back, it's all cut up!

You're bleeding!

- You think I did that, too, Mike?

- Let's get your stuff.

- My shoes, here, here.

- I'll get the bags.

- Almost dressed.

- Put on your shoes in the elevator.


(door slams) (growling)

- Everything here is sad or scary or horrifying.

- Not everything, Mr. Geery.

- There are some good things. (upbeat piano music)

Appropriate and optimistic, Gibby.

- That's 'cuz I got a heart full of joy and gladness!

- If there's been anything good, I haven't seen it.

- Some people even honeymoon here, Mr. Geery.

They do. (wedding music)

Once again, Gibby, apropos.

- You want the right tune, I'm the best man for it!

- Another beer, Mister Geery?

- Sure, I'll have another.

- True love never dies, Mr. Geery.

(romantic music)

- Where are you?

- In here!

- Oh, you opened the balcony doors.

- I did and moved the couch around to face it.

I thought we could look at the stars while there was time.

- The rain stopped.

- A long time ago and the sky cleared, see?

- So beautiful.

It will be dawn soon.

- Yes, changed out of the wedding gown?

- I thought it was time.

- [Groom] Is that my old robe?

- It is.

- I thought that was gone.

- [Bride] It was.

- Looks better than I remember it.

- Good.

- You were the most beautiful bride anyone had ever seen.

- Aww.

- No, no, it's true.

They all said so.

Come here, sit with me.

- We can cuddle?

- [Groom] That's what couches are for.

- Good, I like cuddling.

- Me too but only with you.

Here, champagne.

- Oh, goody!

- To celebrate.

Just gotta work the cork here.

- (giggling) Careful!

- Almost, almost.


Here's your glass.

- Thank you.

- Hold steady.

You were right, you know.

- I was? - You were.

- About what?

- This is the perfect hotel for a honeymoon.

- You see?

I thought the part about ghosts

would make it really interesting.

- And romantic.

- It is romantic, isn't it?

- It wouldn't have been as romantic

if we'd booked a different hotel.

- No, it couldn't have.

- It couldn't have.

- There's something magical about this place.

- Miraculous.

- Even the name is romantic: Elysian Arms.

- Turned out to be the perfect choice.

- [Bride] More than we'd imagined.

- A toast!

- A toast!

To us!

- To us!

- Mm, that's good.

- It is.


- [Bride] What?

- I was just thinking about the future

and all the plans we'd made.

- I don't think any bride and groom ever get

to carry out all their plans.

- That's probably true.

And sad.

- But it's good to make plans.

It's optimistic.

People getting married should be optimistic.

- No matter what?

- [Bride] No matter what.

- You keep me hopeful, you know that?

- I do?

- [Groom] You do, you're an angel.

- Aw, I can't be an angel.

- No?

- No, if I were an angel, what would you do without me?

- You know what I mean.

- Being an angel is a choice.

- I suppose it is.

More champagne?

- Of course!

- There you are, milady.

- Thank you, sir!

Are you watching me drink?

- [Groom] I am.

- You make me self conscious.

- There was an automobile accident down on the highway.

People died.

- I know.

- It makes me think.

What if we'd left the church five minutes later

or five minutes earlier or--

- Hush now.

You can't torture yourself that way.

Things that happen are things that happen.

- Yes, but--

- Don't spoil our time together.

It's almost sunrise.

- But I just--

- How many others in love get this time together?

- I know.

- For the last 10 years.

- Yes.

- Each year for one night.

- One night.

- From sunset to sunrise on our anniversary.

- And the anniversary of--

- Oh, don't do that.

For all the rest of the day except for a few moments,

it was the happiest day of our lives.

- I can't help it, 10 years, we might of--

- It wasn't your fault.

That's a terrible section of highway.

- Yes.

- That accident you mentioned.

- Yes?

- People died?

- Yes.

- [Bride] Do you suppose...

- What?

- Do you suppose they'll be as lucky

as we've been since since I died?

- [Groom] I hope so..

- Me too.

- I wouldn't trade our 10 nights

for anything in this world or the next.

- I love you.

- I love you.

- You're right, of course.

You're always right.

We need to enjoy every moment we have.

- Where are you going?

- Just out on the balcony to look at the sky.

Oh look, look, look, a shooting star!

We could make a wish!

And over there, it's beautiful!

The sun's rising and...


I didn't get to say goodbye.

It was a lovely anniversary, darling.

Thank you.

Until our next anniversary, goodbye, sweetheart.

- Okay, fine, so true love never dies.

- Never.

- But it's rare. - Sadly, it is.

- How do you know where to find it?

- That, Mr. Geery, is unknowable

and one will often find counterfeits,

they fade with time.

True love is rare but it never dies.

- We get more than just one chance.

Maybe not in this life, but the next one.

- The next one?

- Or the one after that.

- I don't understand. - Another beer?

- [Al] Sure.

- I think we'd better go see

about getting Mr. Geery set up in his room.

- What do I owe you?

- Oh, you don't owe me anything.

- It's on your tab, Mr. Maro?

- [Maro] No, Mr. Geery, it's on yours.

- In the next life.

- What? - Let's go, Mr. Geery.

(vaudeville piano music)

Goodbye, Mr. Backus.

Goodbye Mr. Maro, till next time.

- Once again, Gibby, appropriate.

- Every act needs a playoff.

- Come, Mr. Geery.

- See you next time!

- Yeah, next time.

Say, what's he mean see you next time?

- We haven't much time, Mr. Geery.

We'll check you into your room.

- No, hey I want answers.

- Cyrus!

- Yes, Mr. Maro, what can I do for you?

- Could you call my car, please?

- Certainly, Mr. Maro.

- And is the early edition out yet?

- It sure is, want one?

- I do.

- Here ya go.

- Thank you!

- Does he figure I'm coming back here,

'cause I don't plan to ever--

- Ah, here it is.

- [Al] What?

- Headline: Crash On Route One Kills Five.

- Route One!

That's the highway I was on,

right down the hill there.

- It is the most popular highway

on the east coast, Mr. Geery.

- [Al] True.

- Four passengers were in the Plymouth convertible.

All perished. - Sad.

- The driver of the 1937 Studebaker Dictator

died shortly after.

- Hey, hey, that's the same as my car!

- Died in the wreckage of his car.

- Wow, I guess I was lucky.

- That, Mr. Geery, depends upon how you look at it.

- What else does it say?

- The back seat of the Studebaker

contained at least two cases of empty beer bottles,

while the trunk held half a case--

- Wait, wait, wait, my car had--

- [Maro] And you were very drunk.

- Hold on, hold on now.

Where on Route One did this happen?

- Just down the hill, Mr. Geery.

The ambulances and police cars

are still engaged in clean up.

- Are you sayin' they're gonna come up here after me?

Did you stall me so they could--

- No, Mr. Geery, they're not going to come up after you.

- How do you know that?

Did you talk to them?

- No. - Then how--

- They already have you, Mister Geery.

- What? - You died in that crash.

- What? (dramatic music)

- You see here, in the newspaper, five dead.

Four in the Plymouth, you in the Studebaker.

Four plus one, five.

- Hey, hey, what are you trying to do to me?

What's going on? - I'm trying to provide you

with a room here, Mr. Geery,

so you can begin to work your way out.

You will be a penitent as well as an attraction.

- Hold it, hold it.

- It is a very popular room, with a checkered history.

Ah, here comes your welcoming committee.

- No, no, you can't!

- See Mr. Geery to his room, won't you?

(car horn honking)

Ah, there's my ride.

Farewell, Mister Geery!

Good luck!

- No, no, wait!

Wait, you can't just.

Let go of me, let go, no, no!

- You have been listening to the radio dramatization

The Ghosts of Elysian Arms,

a presentation of The Air Command,

produced at the KTWU studios.

And now, goodnight and pleasant dreams.

(energetic piano music)


(suspenseful music)

- [Announcer] This program is proudly sponsored

by ARTSConnect, expanding and promoting the arts

in Topeka, Kansas.

To purchase copies of this program

or to view this program online,

go to


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