Theater Close-Up

FULL EPISODE

Old Hats

Bill Irwin and David Shiner in their award-winning, critically acclaimed production of Old Hats from Signature Theatre. This production reunites the clowns with original director Tina Landau and introduces their songstress and comic foil Shaina Taub. Using music, magic, technology, and movement, Irwin and Shiner create a hilarious, slapstick piece of theater.

AIRED: June 13, 2017 | 1:27:13
ABOUT THE PROGRAM
TRANSCRIPT

>> You are about to see a play

as it was written and performed

onstage.

Some may find the language or

content objectionable.

Viewer discretion is advised.

Next on "Theater Close-Up"...

[ Both scatting ]

...they're clowning around

again...

[ Scatting continues ]

...Bill Irwin and David Shiner

in the goofy, wacky, utterly

irresistible show they

created...

featuring Shaina Taub.

>> ♪ Everyone is gonna die

♪ So lighten up

>> Join us just for the fun with

the Signature Theatre's

"Old Hats" on

"Theater Close-Up."

[ Up-tempo jazz music playing ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Support for

"Theater Close-Up" is provided

by...

>> Hello. I'm Blythe Danner.

And welcome to our presentation

of "Theater Close-Up,"

Thirteen's primetime spotlight

on the innovative and

provocative theater happening

off Broadway.

Tonight's play is "Old Hats"

from Signature Theatre, starring

Bill Irwin and David Shiner in a

bravura showcase of their

contemporary vaudevillian

comedy.

Although popular comedy grows

noisier by the decade, Irwin and

Shiner have created a unique

niche inspired by the slapstick

style of the great silent-movie

clowns.

Yet, far from being a nostalgia

act, Irwin and Shiner

reinterpret their classic

techniques with a modern

sensibility to lampoon all the

human foibles that never seem to

change.

Critically acclaimed as one of

the funniest shows on New York

stages of the past few years,

the production reunites the

clowns with their longtime

director, Tina Landau, and

introduces Shaina Taub as their

new band leader and all-around

comic foil.

Using music, technology,

movement, and antic

improvisation, Irwin and Shiner

work their comic magic to create

an unforgettable outing that's

side-splitting fun for the whole

family.

Please join us for "Old Hats,"

next up on "Theater Close-Up."

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Switches clanging ]

>> Wait -- so, how long was the

set?

Was it like...

>> Yeah, but I'm gonna

actually...

>> So, I was like, "Uh, here it

is, guys.

I don't know."

>> We did one more moment, too,

and then they were, like,

doing this, like...

>> Right.

>> Tonight is, like, cameras and

live-stream...

>> Carly Rae Jepsen.

Yes.

>> [ Whistles ]

>> I'm just sending an e-mail

real quick, okay?

Hi, Bill.

I'm so sorry we're late.

Trains.

David, I literally can't even.

[ Switch clangs ]

[ Switch clangs ]

[ Switch clangs ]

[ Switches clanging rapidly ]

[ Electronic zapping ]

Guys!

We're ready.

[ Mid-tempo jazz music plays ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Rhythmic drumbeats ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Whistle! ]

[ Crank! ]

[ Thud! ]

[ Crank! ]

[ Thud! ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Crank! ]

[ Whistle! ]

[ Whistle! ]

[ Rhythmic drumbeats ]

[ Ding! ]

[ "Lighten Up" plays ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> [ Whistles ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Audience groans ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Drumbeats and cymbals

crashing ]

[ Laughter, applause ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Drumbeats and cymbals

crashing ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ "Lighten Up" plays ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Explosions ]

[ Whooshing ]

[ Ding! ]

[ "Might As Well" plays ]

>> How's everybody doing

tonight?!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome to the

Signature Theatre.

I'm Shaina Taub, and this is my

band.

And we just have one question

for you.

♪ Did you know you spend seven

years of your life in the

bathroom ♪

♪ And just about a third of your

life asleep? ♪

♪ They say you spend nine years

combined talking on the phone

and waiting in line ♪

♪ So I might as well spend some

of the time with you ♪

♪ With you

♪ I might as well spend some of

the time with you ♪

>> ♪ Out of all the hours,

I could give you a few ♪

>> ♪ If statistics show you eat

500 pounds of food a year ♪

♪ Well, then I figure I could

share a few meals with you,

my dear ♪

♪ Did you know you spend 5,000

hours in the shower? ♪

It's true.

♪ And approximately forty-three

months online? ♪

♪ Three billion beats will move

your heart ♪

♪ And in a week are nearly 90

farts we fart ♪

♪ So I might as well spend some

of the time with you ♪

♪ With you

♪ I might as well spend some of

the time with you ♪

>> Whoo!

[ Instrumental break ]

>> ♪ Remember the time, yeah

♪ Remember the time

♪ Time's a dirty crook, it's

true ♪

♪ Then why is he the only thief

that you can't sue? ♪

♪ Did you know I spend some

minutes each hour thinking of

you? ♪

♪ And 20-some-odd times a day

I smile ♪

♪ It's hard to count how

frequently you make me laugh

so hard I pee ♪

♪ So I might as well spend some

of the time ♪

♪ Cannot say how much, but I

sure hope that I'm ♪

♪ Always spending some of the

time with you ♪

♪ With you, with you, with

you ♪

♪ With you, with you, with

you ♪

♪ I hope I am always spending

some of my time with you ♪

[ Song ends ]

[ "Yankee Doodle Dandy" plays ]

[ "The Stars and Stripes

Forever" plays ]

[ Bell dings ]

[ Eagle chirping ]

[ Eagle squawking ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Bell dings ]

>> Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah!

[ Baby crying ]

[ Crying intensifies ]

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

[ "Yankee Doodle Dandy" plays ]

[ Percussive dance music plays ]

>> ♪ He's Mr. Business

♪ He's Mr. Business

[ Electric razor humming ]

[ Cologne spraying ]

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

[ Electronic beeping ]

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

[ Cellphone ringing ]

>> [ Speaking gibberish ]

What?

>> ♪ He's Mr. Business

[ Indistinct shouting ]

>> Ha ha!

Aah!

[ Shouting indistinctly ]

[ Shouts indistinctly ]

[ Music continues ]

>> ♪ He's Mr. Business

♪ He's Mr. Business

♪ He's Mr. Business

♪ He's Mr. Business

♪ He's Mr. Business

♪ He's Mr. Business

[ Music stops ]

[ Melancholy music plays ]

>> [ Cries ]

[ Cries ]

[ Dial tone ]

[ Cries ]

[ Cries ]

[ "Pop Goes the Weasel" plays ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Cries ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Dial tone ]

[ Keypad beeping ]

>> 911. What is your emergency?

Hello?

Please state your emergency.

[ Line clicks, dial tone ]

[ Sirens wailing ]

[ Sirens fade ]

[ Cries ]

[ Thunder rumbling ]

[ Rain pounding ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Rain stops ]

[ Whimsical music plays ]

[ Waltz music plays ]

[ Wind howling ]

[ Dramatic music playing ]

[ Melancholy music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

>> ♪ Oh, I made a mess

♪ Don't wanna clean it up

♪ Oh, I made a mess

♪ Don't make me clean it up,

no ♪

♪ I don't know why we'd be

sweepin', baby ♪

♪ When we could sleepin' in

♪ So leave your mop at home

♪ Let your Swiffer be

♪ Stop messin' around

♪ And make a mess with me

[ "Make a Mess" plays ]

♪ Wa-oh-oh-oh

♪ 'Cause we're made of

applesauce, baby, on the

inside ♪

♪ So, grab a spoon and decide

♪ We're made of coffee stains,

baby, on the inside ♪

♪ So no need to hide

♪ This eggshell walking tour

♪ No, I can't take it anymore

♪ It's time to go, so open

sesame, baby, on the inside ♪

♪ And make a mess with me

[ Music stops ]

>> Three, four!

[ Music resumes ]

>> ♪ Wa-oh

♪ We're made of gelatin, baby,

on the inside ♪

♪ Grab a cup and decide

♪ We're made of dishwater,

baby, on the inside ♪

♪ So no need to hide

♪ This expiration date

♪ Don't you know it's much too

late for mold to grow ♪

♪ So, open sesame, baby, on the

inside ♪

♪ And make a mess with me

♪ I hear there's water on the

moon now ♪

♪ Ah-oh-oh-oh

♪ I guess we could always go

there ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ But until then we'll just be

stewing in this filthy city ♪

♪ But I'd much rather leave a

mess than clean it up and never

let it show ♪

♪ 'Cause we're made of orange

juice, baby, on the inside ♪

♪ So raise a glass and decide

♪ We're made of dust bunnies,

baby, on the inside ♪

♪ So no need to hide

♪ This dirty laundry list

♪ Don't you know there's so much

more to this? ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm so in love with

you, baby, on the inside ♪

♪ So make a mess with me

♪ Come on and a make a,

come on and a make a ♪

>> ♪ Mess with me

♪ Come on and a make a,

come on and a make a ♪

>> ♪ On the inside

>> ♪ Mess with me

♪ 'Cause we're made of

applesauce, baby ♪

>> ♪ So don't you wanna make a

mess with me? ♪

>> ♪ We're made of coffee

stains, baby ♪

>> ♪ So don't you wanna make a

mess with me ♪

>> ♪ We're home-made, baby

>> ♪ So don't you wanna make a

mess with me? ♪

>> ♪ I'm so in love with you,

baby ♪

♪ So don't you wanna make a mess

with me? ♪

[ Drumroll ]

[ Dramatic music playing ]

[ Mid-tempo dance music plays ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Disco music plays ]

[ Romantic music plays ]

>> ♪ La la la la la

♪ La la la la la la

[ Samba music plays ]

[ Muffled music continues ]

[ Volume increases ]

[ Muffled music continues ]

[ Dramatic flourish plays ]

[ Mid-tempo dance music plays ]

[ Applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Romantic music plays ]

[ Up-tempo jazz music plays ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Applause ]

[ Mid-tempo dance music plays ]

[ Music continues ]

>> Not you!

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Cymbals crashing ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> [ Laughs ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Mid-tempo dance music plays ]

>> [ Whistles ]

[ Defibrillators humming ]

[ Electricity zapping ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Clinking ]

[ Switch clangs ]

[ Music resumes ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Drumroll ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Mid-tempo dance music plays ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Romantic music plays ]

[ Up-tempo dance music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

[ "The Visitors" plays ]

♪ The visitors come knockin' at

my door ♪

♪ Payin' me a nightly call

♪ Sorrow shows up early

♪ While worry paces up and down

the hall ♪

♪ Fear comes around once a

week ♪

♪ Always tryin' to sell me

somethin' ♪

♪ And envy brings me flowers

from the neighbor's lawn ♪

♪ The visitors come knockin' at

my door ♪

♪ I'm the mat they step upon

♪ The visitors come knockin' at

my door ♪

♪ Some for dinner, some for

tea ♪

♪ Loneliness can overstay his

welcome ♪

♪ But I could use the company

♪ Grief sleeps at my feet, next

to doubt ♪

♪ Don't have the heart to kick

them out ♪

♪ And pity throws me parties

now and then ♪

♪ The visitors come knocking at

my door ♪

♪ Here they come again

♪ Lord knows they've made my

place a mess ♪

♪ But I love them anyway,

I guess ♪

♪ Why do the hardest feelings

make the easiest guests? ♪

♪ Not like Trust

♪ What a flake

♪ Cancels ev'ry plan we make

♪ And Courage rings the bell,

and then he runs away ♪

♪ And Hope means well, but I

prefer her brother, Dread ♪

♪ And Joy can be swell, but

Misery's better in bed ♪

[ Instrumental break ]

♪ You know the hardest feelings

wanna be your guests ♪

♪ So when the visitors come

knockin' at your door ♪

♪ Be careful who you host

♪ The ones who hurt the worst

are the ones you love the most ♪

[ Songs ends ]

[ Train whistle blows ]

[ Train chugging ]

>> [ Sneezes ]

[ Coughs ]

[ Indistinct speaking over

P.A. ]

[ Indistinct speaking

continues ]

[ Train whistle blows ]

[ Train chugging ]

[ Brakes squeal ]

[ Air brakes hiss ]

[ Train whistle blows ]

[ "The Reminder Song" plays ]

>> ♪ Now preachers and teachers

and scholarly brains ♪

♪ Have tried to provide a truth

that explains ♪

♪ Why...can go so badly

♪ Well, I've had a helping or

two of the blues ♪

♪ But I go back for seconds and

thirds ♪

♪ 'Cause I choose to stomach

sorrow gladly ♪

♪ For I have a theory that might

sound crass ♪

♪ But to that hypothesis, I

raise a glass ♪

♪ Here's to the chaos

♪ The heartache and strain

♪ Three cheers for agony

♪ A toast to the pain

♪ Hats off to everything that

leaves a scar ♪

♪ For reminding me who my

friends are ♪

>> [ Whistles ]

>> We're here.

>> ♪ Though I'm not religious,

I've always believed ♪

♪ There must be a weirdo up

there who conceived ♪

♪ This magic, tragic planet

♪ And so I'll forgive 'em for

adding the parts ♪

♪ That savage and ravage our

bones and our hearts ♪

♪ And harden souls to granite

♪ For when at the end of a

harrowing day ♪

♪ You see who shows up at your

doorstep to say ♪

>> ♪ Here's to the chaos

♪ The heartache and strain

♪ Three cheers for agony

♪ A toast to the pain

♪ Hats off to everything that

leaves a scar ♪

♪ For reminding me who my

friends are ♪

♪ No, it's never gonna, never

gonna end ♪

♪ No, no, no

♪ It's never gonna, never gonna

end ♪

♪ No, no

>> ♪ Not the misery

♪ Nor the company

♪ My friend

♪ So fill each other's cup

♪ And never give it up

♪ 'Cause here's to the hopin'

when the odds are a joke ♪

♪ Three cheers for foolish

dreams when everything's broke ♪

♪ And hats off to every "close,

but no cigar" ♪

♪ Here's to the chaos

>> ♪ Here's to the chaos

>> ♪ The heartache and strain

>> ♪ The heartache and strain

>> ♪ Three cheers for agony

>> ♪ Agony

>> ♪ A toast to the pain

>> ♪ A toast to the pain

>> ♪ Hats off to everything

that leaves a scar ♪

♪ For reminding me who my

friends a-a-a-a-are ♪

>> Three cheers!

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Thank you, Bill. Thank you.

Thanks, everyone.

Thank you so much.

Thanks, Bill. What's going on?

Oh, you want to sit in with us?

Okay.

Do you have an instrument?

An instrument?

[ Ukulele strums ]

Why don't you try Mike's

ukulele?

Upgrade.

Give this to a child.

Lead us in.

Yeah. What do you want to play?

Key of...C...major.

Key of C major.

[ Piano plays chord ]

[ Ukulele strumming

rhythmically ]

[ Band plays up-tempo music ]

[ Ukulele plays flourish ]

>> Yeah, Bill!

>> Whoo. Fancy.

You've been practicing.

Welcome to the band, Bill. Yeah.

You know, I think this

progression wants a little

melody.

Have you ever thought about

singing?

Oh, come on.

Old hats can learn new tricks.

Go on. Break all the rules.

Don't you want to hear Bill

sing, guys?

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> [ Scatting ]

>> He's singing.

Oh, go on.

Give it a shot, David.

You guys have been silent for

years.

Don't you ever wonder what it

feels like to open up your mouth

and sing?

I know you do, David.

I heard you in your dressing

room.

Admit it. Come on.

Come on.

Don't you want to hear David

sing, too?

Come on!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Both scatting ]

Whoo!

>> [ Yipping ]

[ Both scatting ]

>> [ Yipping ]

[ Music stops ]

>> Okay...

>> [ Cawing ]

>> Look, he's expressing himself

using his voice.

Okay, you can do it, too.

You can say or sing anything you

want, anything, literally

anything.

>> [ Quacking ]

[ Up-tempo piano music plays ]

>> ♪ Oklahoma

♪ Where the wind comes sweeping

down the plains ♪

♪ Oh, where the wavin' wheat can

sure smell sweet ♪

♪ And the wind comes right

behind the rain ♪

♪ You know we belong to --

Whoa! Oh! Ah!

[ Music stops ]

[ Metal clangs ]

>> To be, or not to be --

that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind

to suffer the slings and

arrows [imitates bow squeaking,

arrow whizzing, thwapping] of

outrageous fortune, or to take

arms against a sea of troubl--

>> ♪ You know we belong to the

land ♪

♪ And the land we belong to is

grand ♪

♪ So, when we --

[ Soft piano music plays ]

>> ♪ Somewhere over the

rainbow ♪

♪ Way up high

>> I just want to find Dorothy.

>> Oh, don't start crying now!

You'll just rust all over again!

>> ♪ If-f-f-f-f I

♪ Were the king

♪ Of the forest

>> First they took my arms and

threw them over there!

Then they took my stomach and

threw it over there!

Hurry! We have to find Dorothy!

>> How about a little fire,

Scarecrow?

>> Oh, I do, I do, I do believe

in spooks.

Wah! Wah!

I do, I do, I do believe in

spooks.

I do, I do...

>> Why I can fairly hear my

heart beat.

>> I do, I do, I do believe in

spooks.

Wah!

>> [ Southern accent ] John,

John, Black Bart's just rolled

into town!

He's aiming to kill ya!

[ Imitating John Wayne ] Well,

we'll see about that, pilgrim.

>> Guys, that's enough.

>> Oh, no, we're doing dialogue.

>> That's enough dialogue.

>> She's right. Let's go.

>> We can't.

>> Why not?

>> We're waiting for Godot.

>> No!

>> Okay, look, look.

You did exactly what I said, and

that's great, but we've gotten a

little out of hand, so why don't

we go back to what we do best,

okay?

Silent clowning.

Yes, that's right, silent.

Mime it out. Mime it out.

Get back in the groove.

Get your mime on.

Good. Let's see it.

All right, let's go.

We got big shoes. Excellent.

All right, what else?

We got baggy pants -- even

better.

We got a big trunk marked "old

stuff" -- great.

We got a black briefcase.

Let's see it. Show it to me.

It says also "old stuff." Great.

Classic routines.

Bill, you're up first.

David, go in the wings.

Watch and learn.

[ Audience groaning ]

[ Laughter ]

[ "Let's Dream" plays ]

>> ♪ Let's dream

♪ Let's burst with joy at the

seam ♪

♪ We make a marvelous team

♪ So why not take the sky and

dream? ♪

♪ Lay back and blow off some

steam ♪

♪ Enjoy the crop of the cream as

we're beaming ♪

♪ Our tenderness teeming with

moonlight ♪

♪ The stuff of sonnets we will

be on a balloon ride ♪

♪ Floating high above the sea

♪ Come on, let's dream

♪ Things aren't as dark as they

seem ♪

♪ See all our stars are aglow

♪ So take your time, but when

you're ready, let's go ♪

Baggy pants -- that's what I'm

talking about.

[ Instrumental break ]

♪ Let's dream

♪ Let's fly a fancy supreme

♪ From this day on, we will deem

each night our heart's delight ♪

♪ And dream

♪ To make our eyes all agleam

♪ While singing this little

theme so extremely it may seem

unseemly ♪

♪ In moonlight the stuff of

sonnets we will be ♪

♪ On a balloon ride floating

high above the sea ♪

♪ Come on, let's dream

♪ Things aren't as dark as they

seem ♪

♪ See all our stars are aglow

♪ So take your time, but when

you're ready, let's ♪

♪ Take your time, but when

you're ready, let's ♪

♪ Take your time, but when

you're ready let's go ♪

[ Italian-style music playing ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Italian-style music playing ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Italian-style music playing ]

[ Rhythmic clapping ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Music continues ]

>> [ Whistles ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Twirl! ]

[ Whoosh! Whoosh! ]

[ Twirl! ]

[ Twirl! ]

[ Twirl! ]

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Glass whooshes, breaks ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Glass whooshes, breaks ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Glass breaking ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Music resumes ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Hooves clopping ]

[ Horse whinnies ]

[ Hooves clopping ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Western movie music plays ]

[ Rapid gunshots ]

[ Twirl! ]

[ Whoosh! Whoosh! ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Western movie music plays ]

[ Glass whooshes, breaks ]

[ Rapid gunshots ]

[ Gunshots continue ]

[ Gunshots stop ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Dramatic music playing ]

[ Glass whooshes, breaks ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Whistle ]

[ Hisses, spits ]

[ Ting! ]

[ Music continues ]

Shh!

[ Music stops ]

[ Music resumes ]

[ Whistle ]

[ Hisses, spits ]

[ Ting! ]

[ Whistle ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Whistle ]

[ Glass whooshes, breaks ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music continues ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Ting! ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Glass whooshes, breaks ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Hooves clopping ]

[ Horse whinnies ]

[ Hooves clopping ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Music resumes ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Ting! ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Glass whooshes, breaks ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Hooves clopping ]

[ Horse whinnies ]

[ Hooves clopping ]

[ Creak! ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Rapid gunshots ]

[ Gunshots continue ]

[ Gunshots stop ]

[ Dramatic music playing ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Music continues ]

[ "Never Get Old" plays ]

>> ♪ Well, I have heard your

stories all a million times ♪

>> ♪ Yeah, yeah

>> ♪ And when you start to tell

them, folks just groan, groan,

groan ♪

♪ They beat you to your punch

lines ♪

♪ But still I grin with glee

♪ 'Cause you never get old

♪ You never get old to me

>> ♪ You never get old to me

>> ♪ See, I always know who's

there in all your knock-knocks ♪

♪ And on every April 1st, I play

your fool, fool, fool ♪

♪ But I could stand your

rambling to the Nth degree ♪

♪ 'Cause you never get old

♪ Never get old

♪ Never get old to me

♪ Call me a sucker

>> ♪ What a sucker

>> ♪ Call me a sap

>> ♪ What a sap

>> ♪ Most roll their eyes at

you, but I-I-I still clap ♪

♪ 'Cause even though your

fashion's not exactly trendy ♪

♪ And you've been saying the

same stupid...for years, years,

years ♪

♪ I'll renew my subscription

with no cash-back guarantee ♪

♪ 'Cause you never get old, no

♪ You never get old to me

Hey, Bill.

Is that for me? Thank you.

Oh, you've got your dancing

shoes on.

Let's see it!

Okay, Bill! Work it out!

Flowers from you, David?

That's...unusual, but thanks,

I guess.

Impressive.

Wow.

Doesn't that hurt?

Yeah, David. Still got it.

More flowers. Wow. Thanks, Bill.

Whoa. Tap shoes.

A-one, two, three, four.

Whoo!

Yeah, Bill.

Nice.

All right, all right.

More flowers. Thanks, David.

I didn't know you could drum.

Can you drum?

Let's find out.

Okay.

Not bad.

Wow. Bill, you shouldn't have.

You, like, really shouldn't

have.

Is that an electric ukulele?

[ Electric ukulele strums ]

I'm not gonna lie.

That's pretty bad-ass.

All right, let's see what it can

do.

[ Electric ukulele playing ]

Distortion. Yeah.

Okay, Bill.

[ Rhythmic drumbeats ]

[ "Smoke on the Water" plays ]

Enough clowning around.

You guys ready for a a finale?

Hit it, guys!

[ Drumroll ]

>> Shaina Taub!

[ Cymbals crash ]

[ "Lighten Up" plays ]

♪ Life will drive you up the

wall, so lighten up ♪

♪ You'll never understand it

all, so lighten up

♪ If you think about it too

much ♪

♪ You may never get out of bed

♪ So blissfully ignore it

instead ♪

♪ The planet isn't here to stay,

so lighten up ♪

♪ The caps are melting anyway

so lighten up ♪

♪ It's too late to repair it

♪ So why not grin and bear it?

♪ And while we're here, we

better lighten up ♪

♪ Don't worry 'bout the gloom

and doom advancing ♪

♪ If we're all going down

♪ Wouldn't you rather go down

dancing? ♪

[ Gasps ]

♪ The world's too full of

worrywarts, so lighten up ♪

♪ Don't listen to their glum

reports, just lighten up ♪

♪ So what if it's all ending?

♪ Why waste the time we're

spending being so high-strung? ♪

♪ Let your fears be flung

♪ Everyone is gonna die

♪ So lighten up

♪ Life is brief and that is why

you should lighten up ♪

♪ Calm your frets

♪ Cool your jets

♪ Screw your doubt

♪ Chill out and un-tighten,

un-frighten ♪

♪ Don't let your panic

heighten ♪

♪ Just lighten

♪ Lighten u-u-u-up

[ Song ends ]

That was so fun.

What a fun finale, totally,

yeah.

Yeah. All right.

One more, guys.

See you tomorrow. Goodbye!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Switch clangs ]

[ Switch clangs ]

[ Switch clangs ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> I hope you enjoyed tonight's

presentation.

You can also watch this and

other plays on

thirteen.org/theatercloseup.

I'm Blythe Danner.

See you next time.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

>> Support for

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