Southland Sessions

S1 E7 | FULL EPISODE

Culture Clash’s Totally Fake Latino News

Culture Clash is a Chicano/LatinX performance troupe composed of the satirical writers Richard Montoya, Ric Salinas and Herbert Sigüenza. Watch them chronicle the isolation, joys and gut-wrenching response to protests against police brutality. In this episode we will be getting doses of levity, poetics and payasadas (clowning) from their homes, streets of the southland and beyond.

AIRED: September 23, 2020 | 0:56:39
ABOUT THE PROGRAM
TRANSCRIPT

ANNOUNCER: WARNING! THE MEXICANS

ARE COMING. LOCK UP THE WOMEN

AND GARDEN TOOLS.

DONALD TRUMP: WE ARE ABOUT LAW

AND ORDER AND BORDERS AND JOBS.

AND THEY ARE ABOUT ALLOWING

CRIME TO ENTER OUR COUNTRY WITH

OPEN BORDERS. BECAUSE MANY OF

THOSE PEOPLE, A PERCENTAGE, A

FAIRLY BIG PERCENTAGE OF THOSE

PEOPLE ARE CRIMINALS. AND THEY

WANT TO COME INTO OUR COUNTRY,

AND THEY'RE CRIMINALS. AND IT'S

NOT HAPPENING ON MY WATCH.

MAN: AAH!

NEIL DIAMOND: ♪ EVERY TIME THAT

FLAG'S UNFURLED

WE'RE COMING TO AMERICA

GOT A DREAM TO TAKE THEM THERE ♪

[ALL SHOUTING]

DIAMOND: ♪ WE'RE COMING TO

AMERICA ♪

>> MS-TRECE MOVED NEXT DOOR.

NOW WE'RE ALL GANG BANGERS.

ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE TOTALLY

FAKE LATINO NEWS" WITH CULTURE

CLASH. DATELINE: LA JOLLA

PLAYHOUSE.

ANNOUNCER: MAJOR FUNDING FOR

THIS PROGRAM WAS PROVIDED BY THE

CITY OF LOS ANGELES DEPARTMENT

OF CULTURAL AFFAIRS. ADDITIONAL

FUNDING WAS PROVIDED BY THE

NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS

AND THE LOS ANGELES COUNTY

DEPARTMENT OF ARTS & CULTURE.

ALL: ♪ KCET

KCET

MAN: SOUTHLAND SESSIONS

MAN 2: SOUTHLAND SESSIONS

MAN: SOUTHLAND SESSIONS

MAN 2: SOUTHLAND SESSIONS ♪

MAN 3: [SPEAKS SPANISH]

HERBERT SIGUENZA: HI, EVERYBODY.

WE'RE CULTURE CLASH, AND WE'RE

GLAD TO BE HERE AT "SOUTHLAND

SESSIONS." I AM THE GREAT

HERBERT SIGUENZA.

RICARDO SALINAS: MMM. I AM

THE GREAT RICARDO SALINAS.

RICHARD MONTOYA: I'M RICHARD

MONTOYA. WELCOME TO SALVADORIAN

EXPRESSIONS WITH PICO AND UNION.

SIGUENZA: HOLA! PUPUSA POWER.

SALINAS: YES.

MONTOYA: TODO LOCA. THEY'RE TODO

LOCA. PICO UNION. HEY, WE ARE SO

HAPPY TO BE HERE AT KCET WITH

OUR FRIENDS "SOUTHLAND

SESSIONS" AND TO BE IN YOUR

HOME.

SALINAS: YES.

MONTOYA: CULTURE CLASH IN

EFFECT, PRESENTE.

SALINAS: YEAH, WE'VE BEEN

INDOORS WAY TOO LONG.

MONTOYA: MM-HMM. HOME SCHOOLING,

FIGHTING WITH OUR BETTER HALVES.

SALINAS: QUARANTINING.

MONTOYA: QUARANTINO PANDEMICO

DEL MUNDO. UM, WE WANTED

TO TELL YOU THAT COVID-19 IN

MID-MARCH ABSOLUTELY SHUT DOWN

THE AMERICAN THEATER, AND WE ARE

NOTHING BUT AMERICAN THEATER

ARTISTS. WE WERE ON STAGE AT

BERKELEY REPERTORY THEATRE

DOING A WILDLY SUCCESSFUL SHOW,

8 SHOWS A WEEK, 700 PEOPLE A

NIGHT. AND THEN THE SHOW GETS

SHUT DOWN AND WE GET SENT HOME,

AND WE WERE WONDERING LIKE

EVERYONE ELSE HOW WE'RE GONNA

FEED OUR CHILDREN, HOW WE WERE

GONNA MAKE A LIVING. AND WE

STARTED TALKING TO DIFFERENT

THEATERS AND WE REALLY HAD NO

IDEA. WE GET A CALL FROM

CHRISTOPHER ASHLEY FROM LA JOLLA

PLAYHOUSE, OUR ARTISTIC

DIRECTOR.

SIGUENZA: TONY AWARD-WINNING.

MONTOYA: TONY AWARD FOR--

SALINAS: LA JOLLA PLAYHOUSE.

MONTOYA: "COME FAR AWAY." A

FANTASTICALLY INTELLECTUAL GUY.

HIM AND HIS ENTIRE CREW VERY

MUCH THIRD TIER ALLIES. THEY

ASKED CULTURE CLASH, "WHAT WOULD

DIGITAL MATERIAL LOOK LIKE?" WE

HAD NO IDEA. WE HAD AN OLD

SKETCH SHOW ON FOX DECADES AGO.

AND WE JUST STARTED TO FUMBLE

OUR WAY AROUND AND MIX AND MATCH

LIKE A HISTORICAL MIX TAPE, THE

OLD SKETCHES AND CELL PHONE,

iPHONE FILMMAKING.

SIGUENZA: IN OUR HOUSE.

SALINAS: ORIGINAL MATERIAL.

MONTOYA: AND WE STARTED MAKING

ORIGINAL MATERIAL UNDER THE

BANNER OF TOTALLY FAKE LATINO

NEWS. IT SEEMED TIME THAT WE

NEEDED TO JUMP IN--

SALINAS: "TFLN."

MONTOYA: MAKE A CLAMOR IN THE

FAKE NEWS BUSINESS. AND WE DID

NEWSCASTS, NEWS REPORTS, MAN ON

THE STREET, CULTURE, ART, AND WE

STARTED PUTTING ALL THIS

TOGETHER.

SIGUENZA: WE DID 6 EPISODES FOR

LA JOLLA PLAYHOUSE. AND WHAT

YOU'RE GONNA SEE TODAY IS A

COMPILATION OF SOME OF THE BEST

MATERIAL THAT WE WERE ABLE TO

COME UP WITH.

SALINAS: IT'S AN ALTERNATIVE TO

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," YOU KNOW.

SOMETHING BETTER.

MONTOYA: WE STARTED OUT JUST

FIGURING, HOW ARE WE GONNA

SURVIVE COVID? AND THAT'S ALL

THAT WE WERE THINKING ABOUT IN

THE FIRST WEEK. BY WEEK TWO, THE

BLACK LIVES MATTER REVOLUTION

WAS TAKING HOLD IN THE STREETS,

AND WE HAVE 30 YEARS--

SIGUENZA: THE MATERIAL CHANGED

THEN. THE MATERIAL HAD TO

CHANGE.

MONTOYA: WE HAVE 30 YEARS OF

SOCIAL JUSTICE HISTORY, SO WE

COULDN'T SIT IDLY BY AND WATCH

IT. WE JUMPED INTO THAT MATERIAL

AS WELL. AND SO BOTH PANDEMICS,

BOTH VIRUSES, OF COVID AND

SYSTEMIC RACISM BECAME THE

OBSESSION OF OUR WORK. AND THAT

WORK GREW AND GREW, AND WE

STARTED BUILDING AND ADDING TO

REALLY WHAT BECAME A GLOBAL

LANGUAGE OF RESISTANCE. AND

SOUNDS A LITTLE HOITY-TOITY, BUT

THAT'S--

SIGUENZA: YES, YES. IT DOES, IT

DOES, IT DOES.

MONTOYA: YES, INTELECTUAL.

SABERLO TODO RIGHT HERE. SO WE

HAD TO BALANCE THE FUN AND THE

DARK, THE OLD SKETCHES AND THE

NEW, AND WE HAD A GLOBAL

AUDIENCE OF 600,000 VIEWS. WHY

DON'T WE TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT ALL

THE FUSS WAS ABOUT?

SIGUENZA: I'M BOB ROSA. LET'S

PAINT A PICTURE, A PICTURE OF

THE BARRIO. WE START TODAY WITH

BLACK VELVET IMPORTED FROM

TIJUANA, MEXICO. OH, YES, NICE.

VERY NICE QUALITY. THE BARRIO'S

USUALLY PAINTED WITH GAUDY

COLORS, NICE MEXICAN PINKS,

TURQUOISE. OH, YES, ISN'T THAT

NICE? THESE PEOPLE DON'T HAVE

MONEY TO PAINT THEIR HOUSES WITH

NICE PASTELS, SO THEY HAVE THESE

NICE GAUDY COLORS. OH, YES.

ISN'T THAT NICE? THE BARRIO--THE

BARRIO IS SET AGAINST GRAY,

BROWNISH SKIES. NOW, YOU MIGHT

BE ASKING YOURSELF, WHY IS IT?

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SMOG AROUND

THE BARRIO? WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE

THERE'S FACTORIES SURROUNDING

THE BARRIO. OH, YES. WHAT A

PITY.

[MEN SINGING IN SPANISH]

SIGUENZA: THE BARRIO'S ALSO A

LITTLE JUNKYARD. WASHER AND

DRYERS ON THE FRONT PORCH.

OH, YES. ISN'T THAT NICE?

TODAY'S BARRIO HAS LITTLE

CHILDREN, LITTLE BROWN NINOS

GOING TO SCHOOL. GET THE LITTLE

BROWN FACES THERE, LITTLE BROWN.

OH, YES. LITTLE CHILDREN OF THE

SUN THERE. YES. THESE CHILDREN

ARE GOING TO SCHOOL. THEY WANT

TO LEAVE THE BARRIO SOMEDAY AND

COME BACK AND MAKE IT A BETTER

PLACE. THE BARRIO ALWAYS NEEDS

MORE TREES. TREES ARE VERY EASY.

JUST A LITTLE DOWNSTROKE. OH,

YEAH. THERE, IT LOOKS LIKE

FRANCE NOW, DOESN'T IT? YEAH.

PEOPLE IN THE BARRIO WATCH A LOT

OF TV, SO I'M GOING TO PUT NICE

LITTLE TV--TV ANTENNAS ON EVERY

ROOF SO THAT PEOPLE CAN WATCH

LATINO PROGRAMMING ON TV. IN

YOUR DREAMS. DO YOU DREAM? A

PICTURE'S A DREAM, YOU KNOW.

OH, YES, IT IS. OH, YES, THAT'S

VERY NICE. LITTLE TV ANTENNAS.

EVERY PRIMER--EVERY BARRIO HAS A

NICE LOW-RIDER COMING THROUGH,

CRUISING LOW AND SLOW. A '67

IMPALA. OH, YES. WITH TWO

HISPANIC YOUTHS WITH A LOT OF

CHICANO ANGST. THAT MEANS

THERE WILL BE A LITTLE DRIVE-BY

SHOOTING. DA DA DA DA DA.

DA DA DA DA. DA DA DA.

WHOOP. WE WANT TO MISS THOSE

LITTLE BROWN CHILDREN, DON'T WE?

DA DA DA DA. DA DA DA DA.

DA DA DA DA.

[BEEP]

WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT. THAT'S

OUR PICTURE OF THE BARRIO. HANG

UP YOUR BARRIO AND THINK OF

DIFFERENT WAYS ON HOW TO MAKE

YOUR BARRIO A BETTER PLACE TO

LIVE. JOIN ME NEXT WEEK AS WE

EXPLORE SWEDISH LANDSCAPES WITH

IRANIAN TERRORISTS.

[DING]

[ALARM BEEPS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BOING]

NEWS ANCHOR: WE HAVE TFLN

REPORTER SAD GIRL ON THE LINE

WITH BREAKING NEWS FROM THE

CITY'S EAST SIDE.

SAD GIRL: HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAN?

YEAH, MAN, SOMETHING CRAZY JUST

HAPPENED IN EAST L.A., BUT LIKE

NOBODY SEEMS TO REALLY KNOW WHAT

IT WAS, BUT IT WAS CRAZY.

NEWS ANCHOR: WE'LL KEEP OUR

VIEWERS POSTED IN CASE SOMETHING

HAPPENS IN EAST L.A. GRACIAS,

SAD GIRL.

SAD GIRL: OH, MY GOD.

REPORTER: THIS IS THE

ANNIVERSARY OF

THE TRAGEDY KNOWN IN EAST L.A.

AS THE CHOLO STUCK IN THE WELL.

WRITER/PRODUCER RICK

MAJERAF, FILED THIS REPORT 20

YEARS AGO TODAY.

OSO: THIS IS BOB OSO REPORTING

FOR CCN FROM A VACANT LOT HERE

IN EAST LOS ANGELES, WHERE A

CHOLO IS TRAPPED IN AN ABANDONED

WELL.

CHOLO: HELP!

OSO: EXCUSE ME, SIR. CAN YOU

SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE DRAMATIC

CHAIN OF EVENTS THAT LED TO THIS

TRAGIC INCIDENT?

MAN: [SPEAKING SPANISH]

MAN, I SEE YOU ALL THE TIME.

GO, BOBBY. GO, BOBBY.

CHOLO: GET ME OUT OF HERE.

MAN 2: POUR SOME DOWN, MAN.

WOMAN: MIJO. MIJO, IT'S YOUR

MOTHER. I'VE BROUGHT YOU THE

NEWEST EDITION OF "LOW RIDER"

MAGAZINE AND YOUR FAVORITE

PAJAMAS, THE ONES WITH THE

LITTLE FEET.

OSO: WE HAVE HERE WHAT APPEARS

TO BE THE MOTHER. THIS MUST BE

VERY TRAGIC FOR YOU.

RODRIGUEZ: ACTUALLY, NO. IT'S

REALLY QUIET AROUND THE HOUSE

SINCE JAIME JUNIOR GOT TRAPPED

IN THIS HORRIBLE HOLE.

JAIME: MY NAME IS MAD DOG.

YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A

PUNK, JEFECITA.

RODRIGUEZ: SHUT UP WITH YOUR

TONGUE. I'M TRYING TO TALK TO

THIS NICE TV MAN WHO'S DONE

SOMETHING WITH HIS LIFE. DO YOU

THINK THAT GOLDIE HAWN COULD

PLAY ME IN THE TV MOVIE? I'LL

TOUCH UP MY ROOTS.

MAN: EXCUSE ME. I JUST SAW YOU

ON TV.

RODRIGUEZ: OH.

MAN: AND I HAVE SOMETHING FOR

YOUR SON.

RODRIGUEZ: OH, BLESS YOU, MIJO.

OSO: A VERY TOUCHING MOMENT

HERE, AS A TOTAL STRANGER HERE

COMES HERE TO LEND HIS SUPPORT.

RODRIGUEZ: OHH.

OSO: OH, MY!

MAN: REMEMBER ME, PENDEJO?

[GUNFIRE]

RODRIGUEZ: AAH!

MAN: THAT'S STREET RULES!

RODRIGUEZ: AHH!

[SOBBING]

JAIME: YOU MISSED ME, YOU PUNK.

OSO: HERE COMES SOMEONE ELSE TO

THE RESCUE. WHO IS THIS MAN?

MAN: THIS IS MY FRIEND TEJANO,

MAN. AND HE'S TAKING TIME OFF

HIS CABALITO TOUR TO HELP US

SAVE OUR FRIEND MAD DOG. HOW YOU

GONNA DO IT, MAN?

TEJANO: I GOT A ROPE AND I GOT

MY TRUCK. I'M GONNA THROW IT

DOWN THERE AND PULL HIM OUT.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

OSO: IT APPEARS, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, THAT WE ARE GONNA

WITNESS THE RESCUE OF THIS POOR,

VALIANT YOUNG MAN WHO'S BEEN

STUCK INSIDE AN ABANDONED WELL

FOR MONTHS. OH, THE TENSION

MOUNTS HERE, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

RODRIGUEZ: MY HIJO.

OSO: LET'S CROSS OUR FINGERS.

MAN: TIE IT AROUND YOURSELF,

ESE. TEJANO, HE'S GONNA YANK

YOU OUT, ESE. OK, HOLMES.

MAN 2: OK, TEJANO. BRING HIM UP.

NOW, NOW. YEAH.

[TRUCK REVS]

[TIRES SCREECH]

MAN: PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE...

FOUNTAIN: TRANQUILIDAD, EL

SERENO. FELICIDAD EN ESTE MUNDO

DE INSEGURIDAD.

MAN: SHUT THAT FOUNTAIN OFF.

FOUNTAIN: WE'RE ALL IN THIS

TOGETHER.

SIGUENZA: BUENO. WHAT IS TOTALLY

FAKE LATINO NEWS? WELL, IT'S

KIND OF CRAZY.

WRESTLER: CORONAVIRUS, YOU'RE

DEAD! [SPEAKING SPANISH]

YOU RUINING OUR LIVES.

BERKOWITZ: I AM ALDO SABELOTODO

BERKOWITZ. I REVIEW THEATER AND

FILMS. IN OTHER WORDS, I'M

OBNOXIOUS.

MAN: ARE YOU MY ASSASSIN?

MAN 2: NO, SIR. I'M HERE TO KILL

POETRY.

MAN: YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN

ERRAND BOY.

MAN 2: THANK YOU, SIR.

MAN: GANALO, LOS DREAMERS. WE

GIVE YOU A DACA. GRACIAS, RUTH

BADER GINSBURG.

ANNOUNCER: ANOTHER EPISODE OF

"THE MEX MEN," MIGHTY,

MUTATED MEXICANS TRANSFORMED BY

TOXIC WASTE DUMPED BY AMERICAN

FACTORIES IN THIS SMALL MEXICAN

VILLAGE. ORANGE MAN WITH THE

POWER TO SELL ORANGES BY

THE BUSHEL OFF ANY FREEWAY

OFF-RAMP.

BUS BOY MAN, WITH THE AMAZING

ABILITY TO BALANCE A LOAD OF

HEAVY RESTAURANT DISHES AND LIVE

ON LOUSY TIPS.

AND FINALLY, LEAF BLOWER MAN,

WHOSE LEFT ARM IS A MIGHTY WIND

MACHINE.

SINGER: ♪ BABY SHARK

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

BABY SHARK

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

BABY SHARK

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

BABY SHARK

MOMMY SHARK

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

MOMMY SHARK

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

MOMMY SHARK

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

MOMMY SHARK ♪

SIGUENZA: WE WERE SO EXCITED TO

GET BACK AND FILM OURSELVES AND

RESPOND TO THE TIMES, THESE

CRAZY TIMES OF COVID AND BLACK

LIVES MATTER. AND THAT'S WHAT

"TOTALLY FAKE NEWS" WAS. IT'S

JUST RESPONDING TO THE TIMES

WITHOUT ANY WHAT? ANY WHAT?

SALINAS: WE DIDN'T HAVE A CREW.

WE DIDN'T HAVE EXTRA WRITERS. WE

DIDN'T HAVE A WRITER'S TABLE. IT

WAS JUST US AND AN iPHONE.

SIGUENZA: IT WAS URGENT.

SALINAS: AND TRYING TO CREATE

WHAT WE WERE DOING IN QUARANTINE

AND TRYING TO DO IT IN A COMEDIC

WAY, ALONG WITH A LOT OF

POLITICAL KIND OF SATIRE AND

SOCIAL COMMENTARY. BUT I GOT TO

TELL YOU GUYS, I WAS IN MY

BEDROOM FILMING SOME OF THESE

SCENES, MY DAUGHTERS ARE

HOLDING, YOU KNOW, CUE CARDS, MY

BROTHER-IN-LAW WITH AN iPHONE,

AND WE'RE CUTTING AND MOVING

AROUND THE HOUSE. THERE'S A DOG

BARKING, THE AMAZON MAN COMING

ALL THE TIME 'CAUSE MY WIFE NOW

IN QUARANTINE HAS ONLY ORDERED

AMAZON EVERYTHING.

SIGUENZA: ME, TOO. ME, TOO.

EVERY DAY.

SALINAS: SO WHEN WE FILMED THESE

IDEAS, THEY WERE JUST SO FRESH,

SO FUN TO DO. AND WE HADN'T BEEN

DOING SKETCH COMEDY FOR AT LEAST

20 YEARS.

MONTOYA: WELL, THERE ARE MANY

LIVES TO CULTURE CLASH. WE'RE

ETHNOGRAPHIC JOURNALISTS, WE'RE

FILMMAKERS, WE'RE SERIOUS,

COMMISSIONED PLAYWRIGHTS. BUT TO

PUT AND OPEN UP THAT TOOLBOX

FROM THE SKETCH PART OF THE BOX

WAS INTERESTING. AND PART OF

WHAT WE DO IS THAT JOURNALISTIC

NATURE. WE GO AND INTERVIEW,

ACTUAL INTERVIEWS, AND WE PUT

TOGETHER NIGHTS OF THEATER BASED

ON INTERVIEWS. AND THAT'S BEEN

REMINDING ME A LOT LATELY OF

HUELL HOWSER AND HIS CAMERAMAN

LOUIE. YOU REMEMBER--"HEY,

LOUIE. GET A SHOT OF THEM CHOLOS

RIGHT THERE." BUT WE MET HUELL

AND WE LOVED HIM. AND THIS IS

THE HOUSE THAT HUELL BUILT.

THAT'S A PART OF WHAT WE DID. WE

WENT OUT TO SILVER LAKE, WENT

OUT TO LA JOLLA. WE WENT AND

FILMED STUFF ON THE STREETS OF

LOS ANGELES. AND THAT FELT LIKE

WE WERE OCCUPYING THE EMPTY

STREETS OF L.A. THAT HAD A TACIT

FABRIC TO IT THAT WAS EXCITING.

SALINAS: AND COMING BACK HERE WE

DID "BOWL OF BEANS," WHICH WAS

DONE ON PBS, AND THAT WAS HUGE

FOR US. DURING THE GREAT

PERFORMANCE--

SIGUENZA: I THINK LATER THEY'RE

GONNA SEE LITTLE PIECES OF

CHAVEZ RAVINE.

MONTOYA: THAT'S RIGHT.

SIGUENZA: A PLAY THAT YOU MIGHT

REMEMBER THAT WE DID AT THE

TAPER.

MONTOYA: HAVING A SENSE OF OUR

HISTORY.

SIGUENZA: AND WE'RE GONNA

REVISIT AGAIN ON FILM.

MONTOYA: THESE ARE LITTLE FILMS,

LITTLE GEMS THAT WE WERE LUCKY

ENOUGH TO MAKE. SO LET'S RETURN

TO THE PROGRAMMING, SHALL WE?

[BELL TOLLING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CRACK, CROWD CHEERS]

NARRATOR: MR. AND MRS. ANGELINO

AND ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA,

PREPARE YOURSELF TO HEAR THE

UNTOLD STORY OF A GROWING CITY

AND THOSE WHO WOULD FIGHT FOR

THE GREATER GOOD OF LOS ANGELES,

AS THE RED MENACE SWEEPS ACROSS

THE L.A. BASIN FASTER THAN A

VIRAL PANDEMIC.

TROMBONE: DALTON TROMBONE.

MAN: WHAT IS YOUR OCCUPATION?

TROMBONE: MY OCCUPATION IS THAT

OF A WRITER.

[DING]

MAN: WELL, WHAT'D YOU FIND OUT?

DOES LOS ANGELES NEED 10,000

HOUSES?

MAN 2: RIGHT. AND 10,000 MORE.

WOMAN: I AM A DAUGHTER OF CHAVEZ

RAVINE.

NARRATOR: AN EPIC STORY OF CIVIC

POWER AND WHO WINS AND WHO

LOSES. THIS LANDMARK SPRAWLING

PLAY MAKES A COMEBACK THIS

WINTER OF 2021,

TO THE COMFORT OF YOUR

OWN HOME, IF YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH

TO HAVE A HOME.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE A HOME, I CAN

SELL YOU A BUNGALOW IN SOUTH

PASS, BUT IT LOOKS A LOT LIKE EL

SERENO OR LA CANADA.

ANNOUNCER: FERNANDO VALENZUELA

HAS PITCHED A NO HITTER AT 10:17

IN THE EVENING OF JUNE 29, 1990.

IF YOU HAVE A SOMBRERO, THROW IT

TO THE STARS.

MAN: DID YOU KNOW THE MAYANS

BUILT GREAT CITIES AND TEMPLES

WHILE EUROPEANS WERE STILL

DWELLING IN CAVES? THAT THE

MAYANS INVENTED THE CONCEPT OF

ZERO AND HAD EQUATIONS THAT

MODERN COMPUTERS STILL CANNOT

SOLVE TO THIS DAY? DID YOU KNOW

THE MAYANS INVENTED LEGOS?

[LAUGHTER]

QUEZALTENANGO: HELLO, I'M CARLOS

QUEZALTENANGO, DEAN OF MAYAN

UNIVERSITY. AT MAYAN UNIVERSITY,

WE BELIEVE WE COULD PRESERVE

MAYAN EDUCATION AND PREPARE YOU

FOR THE MODERN WORLD. OUR FULLY

ACCREDITED CURRICULUM INCLUDES

N'WADDLE 101, LEARN THE

LANGUAGE OF THE JAGUAR PEOPLE,

THE TONGUE WE SPOKE BEFORE THE

SPANIARDS CUT IT OUT.

[LAUGHTER]

[SPEAKING MAYAN LANGUAGE]

[CHUCKLES]

DID YOU KNOW THE MAYANS INVENTED

THE SLINKY?

[LAUGHTER]

NOW LET'S HEAR FROM TWO

GRADUATES OF MAYAN UNIVERSITY.

HUATENANGO: HI, WE'RE TWO

GRADUATES OF MAYAN UNIVERSITY.

WE'RE SUCCESSFUL DENTISTS OUT

HERE IN PALM SPRINGS.

LUMUC: THAT'S RIGHT. DID YOU

KNOW THAT THE MAYANS INVENTED

THE CHEESE GRATER?

MAN: FORE!

TIKEL: I'M OFELIA TIKEL,

SUPERIOR COURT JUDGE FOR THE

COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES.

CURRENTLY, I'M PRESIDING OVER A

MURDER TRIAL, AND I CAN'T WAIT

TO FRY THE TWO LITTLE [SPEAKS

SPANISH]. ACTING LIKE WILD

AZTECS. DID YOU KNOW THAT THE

MAYANS INVENTED CHINESE TAKEOUT?

[VACUUM WHIRRING]

QUEZALTENANGO: YES, THE MAYANS.

SINGERS: ♪ ...DINOSAUR WHO LIVES

ACROSS THE BORDER

HE SMUGGLES PEOPLE THAT ARE

TIRED OF BEING POOR AND TORTURED

BARNEY BRINGS THEM

HERE TO LIVE

IN OUR WEALTHY NATION

HE IS ALWAYS ON THE RUN

FROM COPS AND IMMIGRATION ♪

MAN: BERNANDO! BERNANDO!

[GUITAR PLAYING]

GIRL: TO CROSS THE BORDER IS A

BIG DECISION. IT'S LIKE BEING

REBORN. TWO DAYS TO CROSS NOT

JUST ONE MOUNTAIN, BUT MOUNTAIN

AFTER MOUNTAIN AFTER MOUNTAIN. I

NEVER WALKED SO MUCH IN ALL MY

LIFE. MY FEET WERE BLEEDING. IN

A DAY I WAS SO HOT AND THIRSTY,

IT HURT TO SWALLOW. AT NIGHT, I

WAS SO SCARED. I HAD TO KEEP UP

WITH THE MEN, AND IT WAS SO

COLD. I COULDN'T STOP SHAKING.

WE ALMOST MAKE IT, BUT THEY

CATCH US, AND THEY WERE SO

ROUGH. THEY PULLED OUT GUNS,

THEY PUSHED US AND CALL US BAD

NAMES. THEY DEPORT US BACK TO

MEXICO. IT WAS MY FIFTEENTH

BIRTHDAY, MY QUINCEANERA. WE TRY

AGAIN TOMORROW.

WOMAN: "TOTALLY FAKE LATINO

NEWS" IS YOUR SAFE SPACE.

WOMAN 2: WHATEVER.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

BING CROSBY: ♪ OH, GIVE ME LAND

LOTS OF LAND

UNDER STARRY SKIES ABOVE

DON'T FENCE ME IN

LET ME RIDE THROUGH THE WIDE

OPEN COUNTRY THAT I LOVE

DON'T FENCE ME IN ♪

BERKOWITZ: I'M HERE AFTER 61

YEARS TO INTERVIEW THE SON OF

PABLO PICASSO.

[KNOCKS]

[CHUCKLES]

YOU LOOK A LOT LIKE YOUR FAMOUS

FATHER, EH?

PICASSO: PEOPLE IN TIJUANA SAY,

"OH, PABLO PICASSO, MAKE ME A

PICTURE" OR, "DO THE LITTLE

DOODLE."

BERKOWITZ: YOU MUST HAVE A

TREMENDOUS PAINTING TALENT LIKE

YOUR FATHER.

PICASSO: NO, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY

NO--NO TALENT WHATSOEVER. NO,

NO.

BERKOWITZ: WELL, LET ME ASK YOU

SOMETHING. DO YOU DANCE LIKE

YOUR--LIKE YOUR MOTHER?

[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING]

HECTOR ORTIZ PICASSO, I BELIEVE

OUR INTERVIEW IS OVER.

WELL, THAT WAS MY INTERVIEW WITH

HECTOR PICASSO. AS YOU CAN SEE,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MAN

HAS NO TALENT WHATSOEVER.

REPORTANDO DESDE TIJUANA,

ALDO SABELOTODO BERKOWITZ.

SHALOM, ORALE, ADIOS.

[THUNDER]

THE SALINE SOLUTIONS: ♪ HE LEAD

FOOT

OH, LEAD FOOT ♪

BOY: YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT

THE MATTER IS WITH YOU?

GIRL: YOU LIED TO ME. YOU BELONG

TO A GANG, EMILIO.

ANNOUNCER: THE MOST TERRIFYING

CHOLO MOVIE EVER MADE. THE MOST

HORRIFYING CHOLO MOVIE EVER

PRODUCED. THE MOST AUTHENTIC,

THE MOST REALIST DOESN'T EVEN

STAR A CHICANO IN THE TITLE

ROLE.

EMILIO: WHAT THE HELL DIFFERENCE

DOES IT MAKE?

GIRL: WHAT THE HELL DIFFERENCE

DOES IT MAKE? JESUS! YOU BEGGED

ME TO GO WITH SOMEBODY WHO

BELONGS TO A GANG, SOMEBODY WHO

GOES AROUND BREAKING HEADS.

EMILIO: THAT'S RIGHT. WE BREAK

HEADS, SARAH.

SARAH: WHY?

EMILIO: WE KICK ASS!

SARAH: OH!

EMILIO: I BELONG TO A GANG,

SARAH, LOS AZTECAS, AND I'M

PROUD OF IT. AND WHEN I WALK

DOWN THAT STREET IN VENICE, I

HOLD MY HEAD HIGH BECAUSE I HAVE

MY BROTHERS. THAT'S RIGHT,

SARAH.

SARAH: WHY?!

EMILIO: I'M PROUD OF IT! BECAUSE

I NEED THEM, THAT'S WHY. BECAUSE

WHEN I'M IN TROUBLE, THEY COME

RUNNING. THAT'S WHY.

ANNOUNCER: ROBBY BENSON IN "WALK

PROUD, BITCH," THE STUPIDEST

CHOLO MOVIE EVER MADE IN THE

HISTORY OF CHOLOS AND MOVIES.

WOMAN: OH, MY GOD, THAT WAS THE

BEST CHOLO MOVIE EVER. SO

AUTHENTICO.

WOMAN 2: I WAS SO SCARED. I

THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GET STABBED

BY A CHOLO. ROBBY BENSON IS

DREAMY.

ANNOUNCER: NASCAR. WE'RE WOKE AS

HELL. WELL, THIS IS GONNA TAKE A

MINUTE.

MAN: AS RACE AND RACIAL

RELATIONS CONTINUE TO BE HOT

BUTTON SUBJECTS, HERE AT THE

MUSEUM OF RACIAL CURIOS AND

STEREOTYPES, WE EXPLORE IT WITH

A SENSE OF DISCOVERY, WHAT SOME

MIGHT FIND OPPRESSIVE, WHILE

OTHERS FIND UNTOLD PLEASURE.

WHY, HELLO, AFROCENTRIC MINNIE.

RACE IS A FRAME OF MIND. IT

TRULY IS IN THE EYE OF THE

BEHOLDER. DO YOU SEE SOMETHING

HURTFUL HERE OR A HARMLESS

RACIST BLANKET TO WARM YOURSELF

OR TO LAY OUT A PICNIC SPREAD?

THE LOVELY PICKANINNY CHILDREN

WITH THEIR WATERMELON SO

DELICIOUS AND JUICY. THE

HARMLESS SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS

ONE MIGHT FIND IN AUNTIE'S

CUPBOARD DRAWERS. HERE AT THE

MUSEUM, WE ENDEAVOR TO STUDY

THESE ARTIFACTS FROM BOTH SIDES

OF THE HOLLER, IF YOU WILL. COME

SEE US AT THE MUSEUM, WON'T YOU?

AND WE'LL CONTINUE THE

CONVERSATION THROUGH THE PRISM

OF NOSTALGIA AND THE HUE OF

ROSE-COLORED GLASSES.

MICHELLE OBAMA: WHEN THEY GO

LOW, WE GO HIGH.

MAN: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG,

CRACKER OATS?

WOMAN: ON MARCH 1, 1954, LOLITA

LEBRON, RAFAEL MIRANDA, IRVIN

FLORES, AND ANDRE CORDERO STOOD

IN THE VISITOR'S GALLERY AT THE

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IN

WASHINGTON. THEY UNFURLED THE

PUERTO RICAN FLAG AND SHOUTED,

"PUERTO RICO IS NOT FREE."

[MEN SINGING IN SPANISH]

SALINAS: WELL, THAT WAS FUN.

SIGUENZA: YEAH, WHAT ARE WE

GONNA SEE NOW?

MONTOYA: WE'RE GONNA VENTURE

INTO THE WORLD OF SOCIAL

ACTIVISM AND SOCIAL JUSTICE.

THAT'S BEEN A BIG PART OF OUR

WORK. AND HOW DO WE BALANCE THE

POLITICA AND ENTERTAINMENT? IT'S

IMPORTANT.

SIGUENZA: I THINK THAT WE MAKE

FUN OF THE LEFT, TOO.

SALINAS: I THINK WE STARTED OUT

IN 1984, GUYS, 36 YEARS AGO. WE

STARTED DOING THAT WORK. WE'VE

ALWAYS DONE SOCIAL KIND OF

JUSTICE, COMEDY, SATIRE, ALWAYS

FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, AND WE

HAVEN'T CHANGED 36 YEARS LATER.

SIGUENZA: THERE'S AN ACT THAT I

WANT TO REMIND US THAT WE DID,

THE RETURN OF CHE GUEVARA, WHERE

CHE GUEVARA COMES BACK INTO THE

HISPANIC NINETIES. AND, YOU

KNOW, HE ASKED, "WELL, WHAT

HAPPENED TO THE PARTY?" WELL,

THE PARTY'S OVER, HOLMES.

SALINAS: RIGHT. I MEAN, NOW

THERE'S CANCEL CULTURE, BUT BACK

THEN IT WAS CALLED P.C., RIGHT?

BUT WE ALWAYS CROSSED THAT LINE.

WE WANTED TO.

MONTOYA: I THINK THAT TENSION

WITH OTHER LATINOS IS--

SIGUENZA: HEALTHY.

MONTOYA: IS EVIDENT AND IT'S

ALWAYS THERE AND THE GATEKEEPERS

OF HISPANIC HOLLYWOOD. IT NEVER

QUITE PANNED OUT, YOU KNOW. AND

EVEN TODAY, WHAT'S BEEN

REMARKABLE ABOUT "TOTALLY FAKE

LATINO NEWS," IT HASN'T BEEN

L.A. LATINOS THAT ARE SHARING

IT, IT'S BEEN PEOPLE IN BERLIN,

THE U.K., BRAZIL. 150,000 VIEWS

IN MEXICO. THIS IS--THIS IS

FANTASTIC.

SIGUENZA: BETWEEN THE 6 SHOWS,

THE 6 EPISODES, WE'VE GOT, WHAT,

600,000?

SALINAS: AND I'M TELLING YOU,

WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING WE WANT

TO DO. WE WRITE OUR STUFF, WE DO

OUR OWN MAKEUP, OUR WARDROBE. WE

HAVE BEEN SELF-SUFFICIENT FOR SO

LONG. NOBODY IS GONNA DO IT FOR

US, SO WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR

36 YEARS.

SIGUENZA: I DO YOUR HAIR.

SALINAS: I KNOW. LOOK AT THAT.

WE'VE BEEN WOKE SINCE 8:00 THIS

MORNING.

SIGUENZA: HINT, HINT.

MONTOYA: AND WE ALSO LIKE TO

MAKE FUN OF WOKENESS. AND THIS

NEXT SECTION KIND OF POKES A

LITTLE BIT OF FUN AT WOKENESS.

SIGUENZA: [SNORING] OH.

SALINAS: WAKE UP.

SINGER: ♪ GET, GET, GET IT

COME ON, GET DOWN

COME ON NOW, GET DOWN

FIGHT THE POWER

FIGHT THE POWER

WE'VE GOT TO FIGHT THE POWER ♪

[NEW SONG]

SINGER: ♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND

THIS LAND IS MY LAND

FROM CALIFORNIA

WELL, TO THE NEW YORK ISLANDS ♪

[INDISTINCT RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

SINGER: ♪ THIS LAND

WAS MADE FOR YOU AND ME ♪

SINGER ♪ THIS IS AMERICA

DON'T CATCH YOU SLIPPING, NO

DON'T CATCH YOU SLIPPING, NO

LOOK WHAT I'M WHIPPING, NO

THIS IS AMERICA ♪

[MAN SINGING IN SPANISH]

TRUMP: UH, YEAH, GO AHEAD,

PLEASE.

REPORTER: YOU SAID MANY TIMES

THAT THE U.S. IS DOING FAR

BETTER THAN ANY OTHER COUNTRY

WHEN IT COMES TO TESTING.

TRUMP: YES.

REPORTER: WHY DOES THAT MATTER?

WHY IS THIS A GLOBAL COMPETITION

TO YOU IF EVERYDAY AMERICANS ARE

STILL LOSING THEIR LIVES AND

WE'RE STILL SEEING MORE CASES

EVERY DAY?

TRUMP: MAYBE THAT'S A QUESTION

YOU SHOULD ASK CHINA.

REPORTER: SIR, WHY ARE YOU

SAYING THAT TO ME?

TRUMP: CHINA. CHINA. CHINA.

REPORTER 2: WHY DO YOU KEEP

CALLING THIS THE CHINESE VIRUS?

TRUMP: IT COMES FROM CHINA,

CHINA, CHINA. IT'S GOT ALL

DIFFERENT NAMES. WUHAN, THE

CHINESE FLU, THE CHINA FLU,

CHINA AS OPPOSED TO CHINA,

CHINA, CHINA.

REPORTER: SIR, WHY ARE YOU

SAYING THAT TO ME SPECIFICALLY?

TRUMP: KUNG FLU, KUNG FLU.

CHINA.

[GONG]

MAN: I CAN'T BREATHE. I CAN'T

BREATHE.

WOMAN: I HAVE BEEN DISCRIMINATED

5 TIMES IN THE LAST TWO DAYS. I

CANNOT GO IN THESE BUSINESSES

WITHOUT A MASK.

TRUMP: I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA

BE DOING IT.

WOMAN: IT IS APPALLING THAT EACH

AND EVERY ONE OF YOU SITTING UP

THERE WOULD SUGGEST TO MUFFLE

PEOPLE.

TRUMP: I THINK WE'RE GONNA DO

VERY GOOD WITH THE CORONAVIRUS.

I THINK THAT AT SOME POINT,

THAT'S GOING TO SORT OF JUST

DISAPPEAR.

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> HI, I GOT MINE.

SINGER: ♪ BUILD A WALL

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

BUILD A WALL

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

TRUMP: CHINA.

MAN: WHITE POWER! WHITE POWER!

[GOAT SCREAMS]

REPORTER: THE WHITE HOUSE HAS

NOT COMMENTED.

ELECTRONIC VOICE: FEMALE DOG IS

CALLED BITCH.

WOMAN: HA HA HA.

ELECTRONIC VOICE: THANK YOU.

WOMAN: CAL ARTS.

WOMAN 2: THAT MASK IS KILLING

PEOPLE.

[CROWD CHEERING]

MAN: INSANITY.

>> AY, POPPY, YOU'RE SO SMART.

TRUMP: NOW WE HAVE TESTED ALMOST

40 MILLION PEOPLE. BY SO DOING,

WE SHOW CASES, 99% OF WHICH ARE

TOTALLY HARMLESS.

REPORTER: 70% OF PEOPLE IN

CHICAGO WHO HAVE PASSED AWAY

BECAUSE OF CORONAVIRUS ARE

BLACK.

TRUMP: WE WILL NEVER ALLOW AN

ANGRY MOB TO TEAR DOWN OUR

STATUES, ERASE OUR HISTORY,

INDOCTRINATE OUR CHILDREN, OR

TRAMPLE ON OUR FREEDOMS.

MICHELLE OBAMA: WHEN THEY GO

LOW, WE GO HIGH.

[THUNDER]

BALDWIN: I PICKED THE COTTON.

AND I CARRIED IT TO MARKET. AND

I BUILT THE RAILROADS UNDER

SOMEONE ELSE'S WHIP FOR NOTHING.

FOR NOTHING.

MAN: TAKE IT EASY, AMERICA. WE

PLAY TRUMPSKY DUMPSKY LIKE

LITTLE BITCH, SO CAN YOU.

[LAUGHS]

ANNOUNCER: THIS FALL, THE JOKER

HAS A NEW VICTIM.

TRUMP: SLOW THE TESTING DOWN,

PLEASE. SLOW THE TESTING DOWN.

ANNOUNCER: TAKING THE TRASH OUT

IN NOVEMBER.

WOMAN: STAY WOKE, AMERICA.

ANNOUNCER: DON'T MISS THE NEW

SEASON OF "RUSSELL SIMMONS: DEAF

POETRY."

MAN: WHO KILLED TUPAC? WHO

KILLED BIGGIE? WHAT?

MAN 2: WHO KILLED TUPAC? WHO

KILLED BIGGIE? WHAT?

WOMAN: WHO KILLED TUPAC? WHO

KILLED BIGGIE? WHAT?

MAN 3: WHO KILLED TUPAC? WHO

KILLED BIGGIE? WHAT?

WOMAN 2: WHO KILLED TUPAC?

MAN 4: WHAT?

WOMAN 2: WHAT?

MAN 5: WHO KILLED TUPAC? WHO

KILLED BIGGIE? WHAT?

MAN 6: WHO KILLED TUPAC? WHO

KILLED BIGGIE? WHAT?

MAN 7: WHO KILLED TUPAC? WHO

KILLED BIGGIE? QUE?

MAN 8: WHO KILLED TUPAC? BITCH.

WHO KILLED BIGGIE? PUNK.

[SEVENTIES MUSIC PLAYING]

SINGER: ♪ HOLLYWOOD

HOLLYWOOD SWINGING ♪

[ORCHESTRA MUSIC PLAYING]

ALL: ♪ COME ON, EVERYBODY

4 MORE YEARS

COME ON, EVERYBODY

4 MORE YEARS ♪

[CHEERING]

♪ VOTE TRUMP

2020

VOTE TRUMP

KEEP AMERICA GREAT

KEEP AMERICA GREAT ♪

[BABY CRIES]

MILLER: THE WHOLE WORLD WILL

SOON SEE, AS WE BEGIN TO TAKE

FURTHER ACTIONS, THAT THE POWERS

OF THE PRESIDENT TO PROTECT OUR

COUNTRY ARE VERY SUBSTANTIAL AND

WILL NOT BE QUESTIONED.

WE'RE GONNA DO WHATEVER IS

NECESSARY TO BUILD THE BORDER

WALL.

I DON'T WANT TO GET OFF INTO A

WHOLE THING ABOUT HISTORY HERE,

BUT THE STATUE OF LIBERTY IS A

SYMBOL OF LIBERTY AND LIGHT IN

THE WORLD. IT'S A SYMBOL OF

AMERICAN LIBERTY LIGHTING THE

WORLD. THE POEM THAT YOU'RE

REFERRING TO WAS ADDED LATER.

TRUMP: THEY'RE BRINGING DRUGS.

THEY'RE RAPISTS.

[ALARM BLARING]

WOMAN: I'M HISPANIC AND I VOTE

FOR MR. TRUMP.

TRUMP: I'M DONALD J. TRUMP, AND

I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.

MAN: AND I'M GROPING THIS

HISPANIC WOMAN. HOLD STILL, YOU

LITTLE GREASE BALL.

>> [SPEAKING SPANISH]

MAN: YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER. SHE'S

OUT OF ORDER. THE WHOLE DAMN

SYSTEM IS OUT OF ORDER.

WOMAN: IN THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES,

AVOID EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS.

BOTH: AAH!

>> AAH!

BOTH: AAH!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

MAN: CRUSH!

MAN 2: WHAT THE HELL, MAN?

WOMAN: YOUR CIGARETTES ARE NEXT

TO THE JACK DANIELS ON THE

COUNTER!

DIRECTOR: HELLO, PEOPLE.

RIVERA: HI, I'M JOSE RIVERA.

THESE ARE CRAZY TIMES. WAIT,

WAIT.

WOMAN: WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

MICHELLE OBAMA: IT IS WHAT IT

IS.

MAN: THE MORE YOU KNOW.

WOMAN: THANK YOU.

MAN: AND NOW A CLASSIC FROM THE

CULTURE CLASH VAULTS.

ANNOUNCER: FROM THE PRODUCERS OF

"Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN" AND

"MOTORCYCLE DIARIES" COMES "Y TU

CHE GUEVARA TAMBIEN."

THE REVOLUTION BEGINS AT A

THEATER NEAR YOU MANANA. "Y TU

CHE GUEVARA TAMBIEN."

MAN: HEY, AM I ON, HOLMES? HEY,

AM I ON?

MAN 2: HEY. YEAH, HOMIE. I SEE

YOU.

MAN: I SEE YOU, TOO.

MAN 2: PRETTY FREAKY, HUH?

MAN: HEY, YOU INVITED ME AND I

ACCEPTED.

MAN 2: YEAH, AND I JOINED YOUR

INVITE. [LAUGHS]

MAN: AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO

JUMP YOU IN. [LAUGHS] WHAT YOU

BEEN UP TO?

MAN 2: KICKING IT, MAN. THAT'S

IT. WHAT YOU BEEN UP TO, HOMIE?

MAN: JUST KICKING IT. YEAH. WHAT

DID YOU DO YESTERDAY?

MAN 2: I WAS JUST KICKING IT,

HOMIE.

MAN: HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO

TOMORROW, HOLMES?

MAN 2: TOMORROW? WHAT DAY IS

THAT?

MAN: LET ME SEE.

I THINK IT'S TUESDAY.

MAN 2: TUESDAY? TACO TUESDAY.

MAN: [LAUGHS] EVERY DAY'S TACO

TUESDAY.

MAN 2: HA HA HA! YOU'RE RIGHT,

ESE. EVERY DAY'S TACO TUESDAY,

MAN.

MAN: HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS

REMINDS ME OF?

MAN 2: TELL ME.

MAN: BEING IN JAIL.

MAN 2: YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU

WAKE UP, EAT, EXERCISE, EAT,

THEN GO BACK TO SLEEP.

MAN: SAME OLD, SAME OLD, HOMIE.

MAN 2: AT LEAST IN THE PEN, WE

HAD BINGO.

[LAUGHTER]

MAN: HEY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE

NOTICED? THERE HASN'T BEEN ANY

DRIVE-BYS FOR MONTHS.

MAN 2: IT'S BEEN A WHILE, ESE.

HEY, HOMIE, ARE YOU STILL

DRINKING CORONAS?

MAN: NO, NO. NO EVEN, MAN. I

DON'T WANT THE VIRUS. HEY, I

DRINK IPAS NOW. THE HIPSTERS

TURNED ME ON TO THIS.

MAN 2: IT'S I.P.A.s, HOMIE.

MAN: OH! I.P.A. NO WONDER I GET

ALL KINDS OF ATTITUDE WHEN I

GO, "HEY, IPA."

[LAUGHTER]

MAN 2: THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND.

MAN: HOW'S IT GOING WITH YOU AND

YOUR HOMEGIRL, MAN?

MAN 2: ME AND MY OLD LADY, WE'VE

BEEN SOCIAL DISTANCING FOR A FEW

YEARS NOW, ESE.

MAN: MY OLD LADY DIDN'T HEAR

"SOCIAL DISTANCING," SHE HARD

"SEXUAL DISTANCING."

[LAUGHTER]

MAN 2: HEY, DID YOU TAKE THE

TEST, HOMIE?

MAN: I DID, HOMIE. I DID. I CAME

OUT NEGATIVE.

MAN 2: ARE YOU SURE?

MAN: POSITIVE.

MAN 2: YOU'RE POSITIVE?

MAN: NO, I'M NEGATIVE.

MAN 2: ARE YOU SURE?

MAN: I'M POSITIVE.

MAN 2: WAIT, ARE YOU NEGATIVE OR

POSITIVE?

MAN: NEGATIVE.

MAN 2: ARE YOU SURE NOW?

MAN: POSITIVE, HOLMES.

MAN 2: YOU'RE POSITIVELY STUPID,

HOMIE.

[LAUGHTER]

I GOTTA GO. MY OLD LADY, SHE'S

BUGGING ME RIGHT NOW. I GOT TO

GO DO YOGA WITH HER.

MAN: MY OLD LADY'S GOT ME IN

PILATES, MAN.

MAN 2: OH, YEAH?

MAN: AFTER THAT, I'VE GOT TO

BAKE SOME SOURDOUGH BREAD.

MAN 2: YEAH, I MADE SOME BANANA

NUT BREAD THE OTHER DAY.

MAN: OH, THAT'S GOOD.

MAN 2: [INDISTINCT] I GOTTA GO,

BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN

THIS OFF. THERE?

MAN: PERHAPS EL PRESIDENTE TRUMP

ES CORRECTO. WE SHOULD STOP

TESTING FOR COVID-19. IT

MAKES ME SLEEPY.

CAT: A-HA! SENOR SLOWPOKE, YOU

WILL BE GOOD WITH THE CHILI

PEPPERS.

[GUNSHOT]

REPORTER: YOUR TFLN EYES IN

THE SKY REPORTING ON AN UNUSUAL

SITUATION UNFOLDING NEAR SOUTH

GATE. A HOMEBOY, OR WHAT IS

COMMONLY CALLED A CHOLO, IS

MAKING LOVE TO MOTHER EARTH, LA

TIERRA MADRE. ONLY ONE PROBLEM

FOR ROMEO, HE'S GOT 50,000

CANDLELIGHTS ON HIM. TONIGHT'S

EYE IN THE SKY BROUGHT TO YOU BY

THE LAPD, RECRUITING ALL BIPOC,

BICULTURAL AND BIPOLAR ROOKIES.

LAPD--WE'RE ON OUR WAY. WITH ICE

AND RUBBER BULLETS. YOU MESSED

UP, HOMEBOY. LAPD--COME AND

PROTECT AND SERVE WITH L.A.'s

FINEST.

[GUNSHOTS]

OFFICER: HALT!

[THUNDER]

REPORTER: NOW, OF COURSE,

PRESIDENT TRUMP AND THE WHITE

HOUSE HAVE VEHEMENTLY DENIED

THIS STORY, INSISTING THAT THE

PRESIDENT HAS THE UTMOST RESPECT

FOR VETERANS AND SERVICE

MEMBERS. THE PRESIDENT SAYING

EVEN, "WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL WOULD

REFER TO AMERICAN SERVICE

MEMBERS IN SUCH A FASHION?" BUT

NONETHELESS, NOW A FORMER SENIOR

ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL

CONFIRMING TO CNN THAT THE

PRESIDENT DID INDEED MAKE THOSE

COMMENTS.

TRUMP: WHAT A GROUP OF LOSERS WE

HAVE. THEY'RE LOSERS, THEY'RE

BABIES. WE HAVE A BUNCH OF

LOSERS.

SIGUENZA: WOW.

SALINAS: OH, MAN. YOU KNOW THAT

WE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 36

YEARS, AND IT'S A LATINO POINT

OF VIEW, A CHICANO POINT OF

VIEW, A SALVADORIAN POINT OF

VIEW. AND WE DO THAT. WE DO THAT

CONSTANTLY WITH OUR MATERIAL.

MONTOYA: THIS SECTION ALSO

EMBRACES HISTORY, WHICH

HERBERT'S GONNA TALK A LITTLE

BIT ABOUT, BUT IT ALSO EMBRACES

OUR COLLEAGUES AND FOLKS THAT

HAVE BEEN OUR PARTNERS IN THE

ACTIVISM. DOLORES HUERTAS

FEATURED IN THIS SECTION,

RENE YANEZ, THE GENTLEMEN WHO

CREATED CULTURE CLASH.

SALINAS: INVENTED CULTURE CLASH.

MONTOYA: JACK BLACK, ACTOR'S

GANG TENACIOUS D, WHO'S ALWAYS

BEEN A FRIEND TO CULTURE CLASH,

AND ROGER GUENVEUR SMITH, THE

GREAT AFRICAN-AMERICAN SOLO

ARTIST, ARE ALL FEATURED IN THIS

PIECE, AND THAT FEELS GRATIFYING

BECAUSE ARTISTS HAD TO REACH

OUT TO EACH OTHER, AND THIS WAS

A TIME AND A MOMENT WHERE YOU

COULD ACTUALLY PICK UP THE PHONE

AND SAY, "HEY, DO YOU WANT TO DO

SOMETHING?"

SALINAS: EVERYBODY'S HOME.

MONTOYA: AND PEOPLE STARTED

SENDING US MATERIAL. SOME OF

THAT MATERIAL HAPPILY IS IN

"TOTALLY FAKE LATINO NEWS."

SIGUENZA: IN THIS SECTION, WE

ALSO EXCAVATE THE OLD GHOST, THE

GHOST THAT LIVED IN "CHAVEZ

RAVINE." YOU KNOW, THAT USED TO

BE 3 NEIGHBORHOODS UP THERE

BEFORE THE BROOKLYN DODGERS

MOVED TO L.A. AND GOT--

MONTOYA: PALO VERDE, LA LOMA,

AND BISHOP.

SIGUENZA: AND THEY GOT A

SWEETHEART DEAL TO DECIMATE THAT

NEIGHBORHOOD AND BRING THE

DODGERS.

SALINAS: ORIGINAL

GENTRIFICATION, WHICH THEY

CALLED EMINENT DOMAIN. AND

THAT'S ONE OF OUR MOST POPULAR

PLAYS. WE DID THAT PLAY A COUPLE

OF TIMES IN L.A.

SIGUENZA: IT JUST SHOWS YOU LIKE

IMMIGRATION HAS NOT GOTTEN

BETTER.

MONTOYA: NOPE.

SIGUENZA: SOCIAL INJUSTICE HAS

NOT GOTTEN BETTER. WHEN WE

STARTED 35 YEARS AGO, WE WERE

TALKING ABOUT THIS, AND IT JUST

HASN'T GOTTEN BETTER. AND WE'RE

NOT GONNA STOP DOING IT UNTIL IT

GETS BETTER.

SALINAS: ISN'T IT A WAKEUP CALL

NOW, THOUGH?

SIGUENZA: YES.

SALINAS: I MEAN, REALLY.

SIGUENZA: WAKE UP.

SALINAS: WE HAVE BEEN--PEOPLE

ARE WAKING UP, AND I THINK

THAT'S A POSITIVE THING.

MONTOYA: IT'S A CRITICAL MOMENT

FOR ARTISTS. AND WHAT'S BEEN

GRATIFYING FOR US IS THAT IT'S A

MOMENT FOR VETERAN ARTISTS,

VETERANOS, VETERANAS. WYNTON

MARSALIS SAID RECENTLY AFTER

LOSING HIS FATHER TO COVID-19

THAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE THE

VETERAN ARTISTS TO HELP

ARTICULATE OUR WAY OUT OF THIS.

SALINAS: AND AS ARTISTS, WITH

QUARANTINE, I KNOW IT'S HARD.

YOU GET RESTLESS. YOU'RE JUST

INSIDE. YOU CAN'T GO AND JAM

WITH OTHER ACTORS, GET IN A

THEATER. SO SOMETHING INSIDE

ARTISTS, US, ESPECIALLY, DOING

THE "TOTALLY FAKE LATINO NEWS"

WAS OUR OUTLET.

SIGUENZA: WE EDITED IN A SHORT

EXPANSION--THE SHORT ATTENTION

SPAN THAT PEOPLE HAVE ALSO.

I THINK TIKTOK REALLY INFLUENCED

THIS, THE WAY WE EDITED THESE

THINGS.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

BLACK: [SPEAKING SPANISH]

MAN: I CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE U.S.

OUT OF EAST L.A. RALLY, MAN.

BECAUSE I'M BUSY, MAN. SOMETHING

HEAVY IS COMING DOWN FOR LA

RAZA, SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA

HAVE IMPACT ON THE BARRIO, MAN.

THE 49ers ARE PLAYING. HEY. HEY,

HEY, HEY, HEY. ESE, HEY. DON'T

QUESTION MY COMMITMENT TO LA

RAZA, ALL RIGHT? I WAS A CHICANO

WAY BEFORE YOU WERE, MAN. WHEN'S

THE NEXT COLECTIVO, MAN? I'LL

MAKE IT TO THE NEXT MEETING.

THURSDAY NIGHT, HUH? DAMN,

THAT'S "L.A. LAW" NIGHT. ALL

RIGHT. OK. ALL RIGHT, THEN. NO,

NO, I'M GONNA MAKE IT UP TO YOU

ABOUT THIS, MAN. I'M GONNA PUT

UP FLYERS EVERYWHERE FOR THE

SENSITIVE CHILEAN LESBIAN POETRY

FESTIVAL. GOOD. YEAH. QUE ARRIBA

LA MUJERA, MAN. YEAH. OK,

HOLMES.

I'LL CATCH YOU ON THE REBOUND,

HOLMES. EL RATO, MAN. YEAH.

CHICANO POWER, MAN. YEAH. WE

SHALL OVERCOME, HOLMES. YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH. JAMES BROWN IS FREE,

PENDEJO.

SINGER: ♪ 1, 2, 3, 4, GET IT ♪

MAN: WHAT TO THE AMERICAN SLAVE

IS YOUR FOURTH OF JULY? I

ANSWER, A DAY THAT REVEALS TO

HIM MORE THAN ALL OTHER DAYS IN

THE YEAR THOSE ROSE FROM JUSTICE

AND CRUELTY TO WHICH HE IS THE

CONSTANT VICTIM. TO HIM, YOUR

CELEBRATION IS A SHAM. IT BOASTS

OF LIBERTY AND UNHOLY LICENSE.

YOUR NATIONAL GREATNESS SWELLING

VANITY. THE SOUNDS OF REJOICING

ARE EMPTY AND HEARTLESS. YOUR

DENUNCIATION OF TYRANTS,

BRASS-FRONTED IMPUDENCE. YOUR

PRAYERS AND YOUR HYMNS, YOUR

SERMONS AND THANKSGIVINGS WITH

ALL YOUR RELIGIOUS PARADE AND

SOLEMNITY ARE TO HIM MERE

BOMBAST, FRAUD, DECEPTION,

IMPIETY AND HYPOCRISY, A THIN

VEIL TO COVER UP CRIMES WHICH

WOULD DISGRACE A NATION OF

SAVAGES.

GOMEZ-PENA: THE FIRST PARADOX WE

ENCOUNTER IN PLANET NICHE IS A

BORDER CONFLICT BETWEEN THE

SO-CALLED LOCALS AND THE

HIPSTERS. THE LOCALS AREN'T THAT

LOCO AND THE HIPSTERS AREN'T

THAT HIP.

MORALES: THE NAME IS ROBERT

MORALES. I'M A HOUSING INSPECTOR

FOR THE CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO.

NARRATOR: IN 2015, A GROUP OF

DEDICATED ARTISTS

MADE A BEAUTIFUL AND

URGENT FILM ON THE STREETS OF

SAN FRANCISCO CALLED "THE OTHER

BARRIO" BASED ON A SHORT STORY

FROM EL GATO, ALEJANDRO MURGUIA,

DIRECTED BY DANTE BETTEO, AND

LOVINGLY PRODUCED BY MY PISAN

LOU DEMATTEIS, AND ART DIRECTED

BY THE IRREPLACEABLE CURATOR,

ARTIST, AND SOCIAL JUSTICE

WARRIOR RENE YANEZ, WHO FOUGHT

THE GENTRIFICATION OF HIS

BELOVED MISSION DISTRICT UNTIL

THE DAY HE DIED.

WOMAN: I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THE

MISSION. I RAISED MY CHILDREN

HERE. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO

US? HOW ARE THEY GETTING AWAY

WITH THIS?

NARRATOR: RENE WAS THE CREATOR

OF CULTURE CLASH, THE FIRST

AMERICAN ARTIST TO BRING THE ART

OF FRIDA KAHLO AND DAY OF THE

DEAD CEREMONY AND RITUAL TO THE

U.S. RENE YANEZ PRESENTE...

ANNOUNCER: THEY'RE OUT THERE.

WOMAN: [SCREAMING]

I DON'T KNOW.

[VOICE MUFFLES]

ANNOUNCER: WATCHING US...

SUSPICIOUS OF US...

WOMAN: ARE YOU CRAZY?

WOMAN 2: ILLEGALLY SELLING WATER

WITHOUT A PERMIT.

WOMAN 3: AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN

MAN...

ANNOUNCER: A PERSON OF COLOR'S

WORST NIGHTMARE.

"NIGHT OF THE KARENS." CALLING

THE MANAGER THIS FALL.

WOMAN 4: GAH GAH GAH GAH GAH!

GUILFOYLE: THE BEST IS YET TO

COME!

ANNOUNCER: THIS FRIDAY, A VERY

SPECIAL EPISODE OF "COPS."

COPS ARREST A WHITE GUY.

[OFFICERS SHOUTING]

OFFICER: GET DOWN!

ANNOUNCER: THAT'S RIGHT, AFTER

2,000 EPISODES, WE FINALLY

NAILED A CAUCASIAN. YOU HAVE TO

SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT.

OFFICER: JUST RELAX. JUST RELAX.

RELAX.

OFFICER 2: OK, LET'S GO.

MAN: MY SWEATER. GENTLEMEN,

THERE APPEARS TO BE SOME

MISTAKE. I'M WHITE.

ANNOUNCER: "COPS" FRIDAY NIGHTS

ON FOX.

TELEVISION JUST GOT WHITER.

TRUMP: WHAT A TERRIBLE QUESTION

TO ASK. SO ARE WHITE PEOPLE.

WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE, MORE

WHITE PEOPLE. WHITE PEOPLE,

WHITE PEOPLE, MORE WHITE PEOPLE.

MORE WHITE PEOPLE, MORE WHITE

PEOPLE. WHITE PEOPLE, WHITE

PEOPLE, WHITE PEOPLE, MORE WHITE

PEOPLE.

SINGER: ♪ I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT

MOVING IN

AND I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE

YOUR LIFE

BUT THERE'S A WARM WIND BLOWING

AND THE STARS ARE OUT

AND I'D REALLY LOVE TO SEE YOU

TONIGHT ♪

TRUMP: WHAT A TERRIBLE QUESTION

TO ASK.

[PERSON SCREAMS]

[EXPLOSION]

MAN: THE ROLE OF THE ARTIST IS

THE ROLE OF THE CITIZEN. THEY

MUST RESPOND TO THE WORLD AROUND

THEM OR PERISH. IF THE WORLD IS

ON FIRE, THEN WE BORROW FROM THE

GREAT JOURNALISTS AND REFLECT ON

AMERICA THAT IS BROKE WHILE OUR

HEARTS ARE BROKE. IT DOESN'T

ALWAYS FEEL LIKE FODDER FOR

COMEDY, BUT ARISTOPHANES HELD UP

A FUNHOUSE MIRROR AT THE END OF

ANOTHER CIVILIZATION. SO WE

ALWAYS LOOK TO OUR ELDERS TO

SHOW US HOW LIGHT FINDS CRACKS

IN THE BROKE WORLD AND WHICH IS

THE BEST PATH FROM THIS PLACE.

MONTOYA: PLEASE WOULD YOU

WELCOME LALO GUERRERO.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LALO: GRACIAS.

♪ I THINK THAT I SHALL

NEVER SEE

ANY CHICANOS ON TV

IT SEEMS AS THOUGH WE DON'T

EXIST

AND WE'RE NOT EVER EVEN MISSED

AND YET WE BUY AND BUY

THEIR WARES

AND NO CHICANOS ANYWHERE

THE SITUATION COMEDIES

THE JEFFERSONS AND THE COSBYS

JUST CHANGE THE CHANNEL

AND YOU GET

ARNOLD AND WEBSTER

ON THE SET

THEIR TV FAMILIES ARE WHITE

BUT NOT A MEXICAN IN SIGHT

THERE ARE CHICANOS IN REAL LIFE

DOCTOR, LAWYERS

HUSBANDS, WIVES

BUT ALL THEY SHOW US ON TV

ARE ILLEGAL ALIENS AS THEY FLEE

OR SOME POOR CHOLO

THAT THEY BUST

FLAT ON HIS FACE

HE'S EATING DUST

CASTING DIRECTORS NEVER CALL

THEY DON'T REMEMBER US AT ALL

EDWARD JAMES OLMOS

AND MONTALBAN

IS ALL WE'VE GOT

SON OF A GUN

DON'T BUY THE PRODUCT

IF YOU SEE

NO CHICANOS ON TV

HUGGIES HAS ITS 3 BABIES

WHITE AND BLACK AND JAPANESE

CHICANO BABIES

ALSO PEE

BUT THEY DON'T SHOW THEM

ON TV ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

CHOIR: ♪ OFFICERS

WHY DO YOU

HAVE YOUR GUNS OUT?

OFFICERS

OFFICERS

WHY DO YOU

HAVE YOUR GUNS OUT?

OFFICERS ♪

RAMIREZ: I'M XOCHITL RAMIREZ.

I'M MEXICAN AND AFRICAN

AMERICAN.

CHOIR: ♪ OFFICERS

WHY DO YOU

HAVE YOUR GUNS OUT? ♪

RAMIREZ: AMERICA, WAKE UP.

SALINAS: CULTURE CLASH!

SIGUENZA: YEAH. WELL, WE HOPE

YOU'VE ENJOYED "THE TOTALLY FAKE

NEWS." WE'RE CULTURE CLASH.

SALINAS: "TOTALLY FAKE LATINO

NEWS."

SIGUENZA: THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.

MONTOYA: I'M A TOTALLY FAKE

LATINO.

[LAUGHTER]

I THOUGHT I'D WEAR MY HAPPY--MY

HAPPY JACKET.

SIGUENZA: HOW MANY TEDDY BEARS

HAD TO DIE TO MAKE THIS?

MONTOYA: 6 BLUE TEDDY BEARS.

SALINAS: UH, YOU KNOW THAT YOU

COULD BUY THIS T-SHIRT ON EBAY.

IT SELLS FOR 600 BUCKS.

SIGUENZA: YEAH.

MONTOYA: HEY, WE WANT TO THANK

CHRISTOPHER ASHLEY, LA JOLLA

PLAYHOUSE, THE ENTIRE CREW,

JACKO, AMY, MARY. WE WANT TO

THANK OUR FRIENDS HERE AT KCET.

SALINAS: "SOUTHLAND SESSIONS"

RULES, YOU GUYS. WE'RE SO HAPPY

TO BE PART OF THIS.

MONTOYA: LET'S GO OUT. LET'S GO

OUT.

SALINAS: AND I SAY THANK YOU,

PABLO PRIETTO. THAT'S WHAT I WAS

DOING.

SIGUENZA: OUR EDITOR.

MONTOYA: ♪ KCET, KCET

SIGUENZA: KCET

MONTOYA: KCET

ALL: KCET

KCET

MONTOYA: SOUTHLAND SESSIONS

SIGUENZA: SOUTHLAND SESSIONS

SALINAS: SOUTHLAND SESSIONS

MONTOYA: SOUTHLAND SESSIONS ♪

ANNOUNCER: MAJOR FUNDING FOR

THIS PROGRAM WAS PROVIDED BY THE

CITY OF LOS ANGELES DEPARTMENT

OF CULTURAL AFFAIRS. ADDITIONAL

FUNDING WAS PROVIDED BY THE

NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS

AND THE LOS ANGELES COUNTY

DEPARTMENT OF ARTS & CULTURE.

SALINAS: SAY!

SIGUENZA: WHERE CAN YOU WATCH

"TOTALLY FAKE LATINO NEWS"?

MONTOYA: SAY, KCET.ORG.

SALINAS: SAY!

MONTOYA: ON THE HUSH HUSH AND

DOWN LOW.


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