Fighting for Same-Sex Adoption in the South
Did you know that there are 11 states in the U.S. that allow for adoption discrimination based on religious grounds? Meet one family from Alabama who wouldn’t let anyone, or any law, get in the way of them getting married and adopting their daughter.
- The modern American family
comes in all shapes and sizes and in the US,
there are over 100,000 same-sex couples with children
but for many of them, the path to forming a family
hasn't been straightforward.
While more than 70% of Americans approve
of same-sex couples adopting children today,
there are 11 states that allow for discrimination
based on religious grounds, including here in Alabama,
where the Religious Freedom Law HP24
allows religiously affiliated organizations
to deny queer couples the right to adopt
but I've been invited into the home of a lesbian couple
who wouldn't let anyone or any law get in the way
of starting the family they'd always dreamed of.
- [Ginger] Hi there!
- [April] Hi!
- [Dyllón] Oh wow!
- She could do that all day.
- [Dyllón] I don't know if I could do that to save my life.
- I can't so that's definitely--
- And so tell me where we are.
Like, where in the world are we right now?
- We are suburban...
- Suburbian Birmingham, Alabama.
- Are you from here?
How long have you lived here?
- We were all born in Alabama.
- [Dyllon] And you've been together how many years?
- 21, is that right?
- Almost 22, yeah.
- [Dyllón] So what's it been like
being a lesbian couple in Alabama?
- We live actually in a very conservative city
and our little suburb is very conservative.
We thought about leaving where it was somewhere easier
and then we decided
instead of making it easier on ourselves,
why don't we try to make the change
to make the place better?
Then I just felt like maybe if we stayed
and worked in the community and we showed the community
that we're just your average normal family,
that it might make a little bit of change.
- It would help people be more tolerant and accepting.
- Yeah, it's not any easier on us, I wouldn't say.
- No but I mean, we've definitely had our challenges.
I mean, there's still definitely the worrying concern,
you know, we don't put our arm around each other
or hold hands walking through the grocery store,
although we would love to do that.
- The community knows we're here
and we're not going anywhere
and I guess after all those years,
they're like "okay, so let's deal with this," kinda thing.
- How do you describe your family to other people
if you are meeting people for the first time?
- Well I basically just tell them you know,
this is my family and we all have our family
and some families are always gonna be different.
It doesn't matter if you have a mom or a mom
or a dad or a dad, or a mom and dad.
- And that's enough 'cause quite frankly,
you don't have to explain your family--
- [Dyllón] To anybody.
- You know?
How long have you had Avery?
- [April] Since she was three days old.
- [Dyllón] Three days old?
- [April] Yes.
- Wow, so tell me about the process of getting to that?
Do you just call up an adoption agency
and be like "hey, we wanna adopt," and they say yes?
- We called a lot of them.
- We searched online and got turned away.
- 'Cause we were gay.
- Well, we weren't married.
- Correct, so a lot of places would
get around the you have to be straight
by saying "well, you have to be married."
- And at that point--
- [April] We weren't.
- You could not be married.
What year was this?
- We adopted Avery in 2007, we started the process in 2005
and the private agency that we used,
they were okay with adopting to a single parent
but on the paperwork I was the roommate.
So during the--
- I'm still trying to collect rent.
I don't even know what that rent is.
- It was very, I guess, a little unnerving
that you're getting ready to commit your life to a child
and from the very beginning,
you're not even officially considered a parent.
- [Dyllón] Knowing full well the importance
a marriage certificate had
on the ability to legally form their family,
in 2012 April and Ginger, with Avery at their side,
got married in Massachusetts, where it was legal
but like many states at the time,
Alabama didn't recognize it.
So they added their names
in a lawsuit for marriage equality.
- There was three people who had sued the state of Alabama
for marriage equality, we were one of those couples
but they were all separate cases
in different districts of Alabama.
- [Dyllon] While their case was pending
in the Supreme Court in Alabama,
gay marriage was finally legalized nationwide,
lifting the final hurdle for this Alabama family.
- So everybody's going to get married,
we've already done that, we're good there.
We went to file for--
- Second parent adoption.
- Ginger to finally get on her birth certificate.
- [Dyllon] And in 2015, 10 years after bringing Avery home,
Ginger was finally put on Avery's birth certificate
as her mom.
- Rumor has it, we're the first one
that was ever done in the state.
- What is the first one of what?
- The first birth certificate of second parent adoption
that has two mothers.
So the very first adoption that went through
where it was two individuals of the same sex.
- So what do you make of all of this Avery?
- Well, I mean, I'm living in a life
that I'm pretty thankful for.
It's just the way
I was put into the life to be with them.
- It's like, these are your parents, it's simple.
- We have a family motto that we are fearlessly authentic.
And that's just how we try to live our lives,
so we don't hide it from anybody anywhere.
- [Ginger] Anymore.
- [April] Anymore.
- I say authenticity is a super power.
- [April] Yeah, absolutely.
- It just, it opens up
the world to you when you can be authentic.
So how would you define family?
Family to you is?
I mean, it's to me, warmth.
- Unconditional love.
- Unconditional love, absolutely.
How would you define family, Avery?
- Love, laughter,
support for each other.
When you have a family,
it's not just that you love them the most
but you have to take care of your family
and you have to be there for your family
when your family needs it.
She's so sweet.
- She has her moments.
- What does family mean to you?
- Family is complicated.
- Family is love.
- Family is support.
- Family is empathy.
- Family is safety.
- Family is lifesaving.
- Family is fluid.
- Family is chosen.
More Episodes (6)
What Does It Mean To Be An Ally?July 06, 2020
Championing LGBTQ+ Healthcare in MississippiJune 24, 2020
Fighting for Same-Sex Adoption in the SouthJune 16, 2020
Polyamory, Demisexuality, and Being Transgender in the SouthJune 09, 2020
An Openly Gay Pastor’s Journey to Acceptance in the SouthJune 02, 2020
Out, Proud & Southern: Dyllón Burnside’s StoryMay 21, 2020