Group Virgin S1 E1
A new member, Henry, joins the group. Karina takes offense when Rebecca’s first move is to act seductively toward him. Meanwhile, does Manny have a problem with Latina women, or with women in general?
-Hey. How are you? -Good.
Doc: What a quiet group.
Henry. -How are you?
Have you met everybody?
Henry: No. I haven't met anyone.
My -- my name is Henry.
Hi. I'm Karina.
-Karina, nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
Hey, Henry. I'm Stuart.
Hi, Stuart. It's good to meet you, too.
-I'm Manny. -Hey, Manny.
-Nice to meet you. -How you doing, man?
Hi. I'm Rebecca.
Hi, Rebecca. It's good to meet you.
-Good to meet you. -Mm-hmm.
Ezra, I know. -I'm Tilda.
-Frank. -Frank, it's good to meet you.
It's good to meet you all.
Manny: So welcome.
Is this your first time in group or...
It is, yes. Yeah?
I've done one-on-one therapy before, but never...
Okay. ...in a group setting.
And how did you get recommended to Doc?
I didn't actually get recommended.
I've known Ezra for quite a long time actually.
He treated me when I was in my early 20s.
Oh, cool. Hmm.
Did you cure him?
[ Laughter ]
Doc: Does he look any more cured than me?
[ Laughter ]
Frank: I have to leave early.
-How come? -Why?
Um, I have a, uh, meeting, business meeting.
It couldn't be arranged any other time?
Mm. I don't know.
I mean, it's... We can -- We can --
We'll talk about it later. It's okay.
So, Henry, you're a group virgin, huh?
Your first time. Henry: Certainly.
Are you scared or excited or both?
I'm intrigued. That's good.
Katrina: Rebecca, I'm...really, um, annoyed
at the way you just spoke to Henry.
"Are you a group virgin?"
I mean, what -- what the hell, man?
Why does that bother you?
I've been watching you playing with your hair
and looking at Henry and giving him googly eyes,
and I saw a little thing going on between you two,
and, quite frankly, it's, like,
freaking me out, and -- What -- And I --
I wasn't giving him googly eyes.
-That would be weird. -I'm sorry.
Frank: I don't know how you do that.
I saw you been very seductive with him.
Is it just me?
Manny: Yes! She was being funny.
She just made, like, a virgin...
-I mean, it's, like... -Henry, were you bothered?
Not at all.
-I bet. -Were you...
Rebecca: So it bothers you that I'm seductive...
Yes, it does.
...with a stranger. Yes, it does.
It bothers me that you're seductive with strangers.
Karina, what are you -- What are you worried about?
Something just feels very unsafe to me
having a strange man sitting next to me
and having my dear Rebecca
preening and cooing all over him.
We don't know if he's a strange man.
He's a stranger. He's a stranger.
-Right. -Would you feel more comfortable
if I, uh, moved to the other chair?
I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.
I'm gonna feel uncomfortable...
That's not why I'm here. ...no matter what.
Sure. Fair enough. Henry.
Rebecca: I'm sorry that it made you feel uncomfortable.
Now, tell me something, Rebecca. Why -- why apologize?
Because I don't want to upset her.
But remember, this is a -- This is a place where...
I know, Doc.
...we allow people to feel whatever they want to feel.
This is a democracy, a democracy for emotions.
If Karina is upset, she's frightened, anxious, sad,
whatever it is, as unpleasant as it might be,
it's her right to feel that way.
Not helpful for you to apologize for it.
I'm not sorry.
You know, my reaction to having a stranger in the room
is to protect myself by not engaging.
Your strategy seems to be to act seductively,
and there's something about that that I find upsetting.
Now, when you say upsetting, is it possible
that before you got upset, you had another feeling?
Maybe I was jealous.
Oh. What's wrong with that?
It feels weird.
What's weird about you knowing
that you see something in Rebecca
that you want more of for yourself?
What's wrong with that?
I -- I guess I feel neglected or unseen by you.
Left out? Yeah. Left out.
You have nice tits.
[ Laughter ]
You do! You have great tits.
Manny: You feel better now?
Well, you could've started with that.
That would've eliminated this whole situation right there.
So here's a wonderful illustration
of how much each of us needs on a daily basis,
the recognition, the acknowledgment
that each of us needs on a daily basis that we don't get.
Life outside group is not set up, for the most part,
to give us what we need in a regular way,
so for you to say that just now was quite wonderful.
It was very freeing. It was quite wonderful.
I'm curious about Henry.
Tilda: Mm-hmm. Me too.
What do -- what do -- what do you want to know about him?
Well, I just wonder, like...
Anybody want to ask him what he's here for?
Manny: If that's okay, I know it's your first day.
You don't have to... No, no.
I've -- No. Of course. Yeah, yeah.
I expected to talk about, um, the fact that I've --
I've known Ezra for a long time,
and, um, my goal being here is to become a therapist.
You have to find a supervising therapist
that will help you be able to open a practice,
so that's why I'm here.
As a patient or as a...
I don't want to go into a lot of explanation,
but I asked Ezra to supervise me, and, uh,
you need to get a certain amount of supervisory hours.
And when we were having our discussion,
he thought that it would be a good idea for me to come here,
for me to work on my interpersonal relations,
to see what being in a group is like.
I was somewhat hesitant.
I don't want you to feel like I'm studying you.
I'm not here to disrupt.
...if you're not studying us as an outsider,
I think you should take a dip
in our pool of sexual discourse.
What would you like to know?
This is a cunning linguist.
You ain't seen nothing yet, Doc.
-So come on in. -Yeah.
Tilda: What did that make you feel?
You definitely kind of...
You, like, got a little red there.
Your eyebrows wiggled, you know?
Like, what is it -- Is anything stirring up in you?
I find it hard to just start talking about something
unless someone asks me a specific question.
Doc: Stuart, could you ask him a specific question?
are you in a relationship?
I haven't been in a relationship in [clears throat]
probably around six years.
-Wow. -That's a long time.
So do you actively avoid being in a relationship?
-I do. -Hmm.
Do you know maybe... Do you have any idea why?
Yeah. It's -- it's a conscious decision, you know,
because for a long time in my life,
and, in fact, it was a big part of our treatment,
I was quite the opposite.
You know, I had a very fulsomesexual, uh, life.
You emphasized sexual. Mm-hmm.
-So not relationships. -Exactly.
No. Not relationships.
-You slept around a lot or... -I did.
I slept around a lot, and, you know, emotional intimacy
is something I'm much less comfortable with
than physical intimacy.
Karina: That's a surprise.
Manny: Henry, just so you know,
this is why I don't date Latina women.
Doc: Say a little more. What do you mean?
-Yeah, that -- -No. It was just a joke.
-Is that a joke? -It's just a joke.
Karina: There are no jokes in the unconscious.
-Oh, really? -Right?
Oh, you're pissed at me. I see it now.
I'm hurt more than pissed, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Tilda: I am... want to punch you
in the fucking face right now.
Oh, God. I was making a joke.
It's fine. Let's just -- It's fine.
Why do you want to punch him in the face?
You're really being an asshole right now.
You just made a hugely racist...
...complete generalization of all Latina women!
I'm talking about my own race!
I can't be racist towards Latinos.
That's not how it works.
But you were racist towards Latinas.
You're not a Latina. Oh, my God.
Thanks for teaching me this thing.
Calling him an asshole is a diagnosis.
What are you angry about?
I'm angry that you make a sweeping, you know...
It was a joke!
...like that. Oh, my God.
The PC shit, let's -- It's just a joke, guys.
It's fine. I'm not...
I don't actually feel that way about all Latina women.
Manny, but at the moment, when you do this,
what affect are you having on Tilda?
What's -- what's the goal with this?
Well, I don't think I'm having any effect on Tilda.
Go away. Go away. I'm saying, "Go away."
But sadly, I know Tilda. I know I'm not affecting.
I think she feels how she feels about me,
and I don't think I'm gonna change her mind,
so I'm just trying to make her...
What if instead of changing her mind,
you just told her how you experienced her in the moment?
Nobody is gonna change Tilda
until Tilda decides to be different.
I felt, uh, uncomfortable to confront you
because I think probably what you're saying is true.
Frank: Which part?
Uh, well, I think there is something a little racist
in how I feel about Latina women.
And I think I don't like it that a white person
is saying that to me, but I think that, as always,
there's truth in what you say to me, Tilda.
Tilda: I feel very touched, close to you.
I feel close to you for that, Manny.
And I want to apologize to you.
I'm sorry. I was making a joke.
Doc: May I point out to you that you're fleeing this moment
with Tilda at the speed of psychological light.
-Hmm. -You took off.
Why was it so hard to stay with her?
You said something tender to her.
She responded with tenderness, and you were gone.
Well, I don't like hanging out in tender zone very long,
so it's not... It's not something I'm used to
and not something I accept easily, so...
Well, that's, uh, that's honest.
But what is it about Tilda and her tenderness to you
that would make you want to flee so quickly?
I guess I'm intimidated by Tilda.
Tilda? What's intimidating about her?
Well, she keeps it real, and so nobody in this group
keeps it more real than you.
I know when you say something to me,
I know it's gonna be, like, "Fuck. That's true."
So that sounds kind of exciting.
It is. I'm excited.
You excite me and scare me at the same time.
Frank, should we, uh, move on, or should we hold
Manny's feet to the emotional fire?
Manny, you -- you helped me relax a bit here today.
You know, it was genuine.
I don't think we need to hold your feet to the fire.
I feel a little sad.
Yeah. I don't know.
There's some kind of grief associated
with maybe your -- your defensiveness
or your anger, or it touches something in me.
Somewhere in there, it's, like...pain.
Well, yeah, it's really pain-- I mean, I'm the same as you.
I don't -- I'm not in relationships.
That's not what I do. -Mm.
It's very hard for me to be in a relationship
with a woman for a long time.
Karina: Especially a Latina woman.
Yeah. It's true.
And it -- And it -- It's 100% true.
Doc: So what's Manny's investment
in remaining unlovable, in feeling like he's unlovable?
I mean, it's something to that, too, where if you do,
uh, remain unlovable or... I think the...I don't know.
The kind of benefit or positivity of that
is people reach out to you,
and there's a satisfaction in other people
reaching out to you saying that, "No, you're not."
Tilda: Yeah. But there's also, like...
-Hmm. -...if you remain unlovable
then if somebody stops loving you,
it doesn't catch you off-guard.
-Right? -You know?
Doc: Who stops loving you?
If somebody loves you, they love you.
It's like the action on a stage.
You know, the backdrop of the stage is constant.
That's somebody's love for you.
The action in the front of the stage
where actors move back and forth,
that's just life in the moment.
When you get angry with somebody,
you don't stop loving them.
You're just angry in the moment.
But feelings are fickle,
so they could say they love you,
but as easily as you can make them angry,
they can drop you right then and there.
That's the point I'm trying to make.
If someone loves you, they don't stop loving you
when they're annoyed with you.
That hasn't been your experience, apparently.
Love in your case was conditional.
It's very conditional.
You had to do what was expected of you.
Aren't you in a PhD program...
I am. I'm in a PhD program.
...because it was expected of you?
Yes. So it's hard for me to see
what unconditional love really looks like.
I mean, maybe I've encountered it and I just didn't know it
because I'm so used to conditional love.
You've come to the right place.
It's a possibility here.
You're a student of science.
Study that in here.
Anytime you see an expression of love
and you have a doubt about it, say it out loud.
Voice it. Okay.
Anytime you see an expression of love
that reaches you, that touches you,
say something about it. Okay.
Karina: But the thing about unconditional love
is that you can lose it.
Unconditional love? Yes.
How do you lose that?
My mother died. Oh.
Well, you don't continue to talk to her?
She doesn't continue to live inside you somewhere?
She does. She does.
She's gone, but she's not dead.